Worst Auditionee

[nilorius]

1 hour ago, Dan Dare said:

I have a couple of stories. They're not as good as those above, but here goes.

 

Back in the 80s, some pals and I started a western swing/honkytonk band in London. Two of the band members were an established guitar and fiddle duo who knew the material, so we were off to a good start. We put together a couple of sets, sent out demos and got some gigs. All was going swimmingly until said duo got offered several months of lucrative work in Europe and announced their departure.

 

We debated what to do. I played fiddle (it was originally my main instrument), but was playing bass in the band. Should I swap to the fiddle and look for a bass player? In the end, we decided that it was better that we had a rhythm section that knew the stuff and that we should add solo instruments (we had a competent rhythm guitar player, who also sang). We had gigs in the book and figured that a solo instrumentalist who doesn't know a number could sit out and not leave a hole, whereas a member of the rhythm section dropping clangers would not be good.

 

We put out some wanted ad's and booked a rehearsal room for auditions. We looked for guitar players first. We did have a few interesting characters show up, saying things like "country music and swing? Yeah, no problem. Only three chords, innit?". One bloke was amusing. He produced a beautiful vintage Gretsch when he set up (to approving nods from the band. He must know his stuff if he has the right instrument, eh?). We kicked off a number and he thrashed the unfortunate guitar, pogoing around and gurning. We nodded at him to take a solo, whereupon he turned the volume up and thrashed away at the same chords, jumping about on one leg and smiling broadly at us as if to say "Great, aren't I?". We politely asked him to leave his number in the waste paper basket on the way out.

 

All was not lost, though, because two guys showed up together next. They were long-time pals and playing partners, both had Telecasters (one with a B bender) and knew what they were doing, so problem number one solved.

 

Rather than hire a room to audition fiddle players, I suggested that I should invite people to my house to check them out (I would play guitar to accompany them) to weed out the no-hopers/weirdos. We agreed and I placed the ad'. One guy rang the doorbell, I answered it and he fixed me with a gimlet stare and asked me, in a heavy Germanic/Scandinavian accent, whether Zis was the place for ze audition. I replied in the affirmative, led him to the lounge and offered him a cuppa, which he declined. Attempting to make small talk and break the ice, I asked if he had come far. "Vot do you mean?", came the reply. "Er, I wondered if you lived far away", I replied. "No. I do not".  His manner was rather intense.

 

Right. Okay. Let's get down to it. "Vot does the band play?", he asked. Thinking "didn't you read the ad'?" to myself, I replied "Western swing and honkytonk. That sort of thing". Another gimlet stare. "Vot is honkytonk?" I rattled off the names of some of the better known players and singers and he looked blank.

 

I picked up my guitar and asked what he would like to start with. "I shall play you a piece that I wrote", he intoned with a fierce glare. "Do not play ze guitar, please". Um, OK. Go for it. He launched into a frenzied rendition of, er, something, sawing away furiously. It sounded vaguely like an American old time fiddle tune, The Devil's Dream, but was in some sort of free time. He finally stopped with a flourish and I said "Ah, the Devil's Dream". His eyes bored into me. "No. I wrote this tune". Have it your own way, sunshine.

 

At this point, I was ready to throw him out, but felt I should give him one more chance. I suggested I should sing one of the songs from the band's set and he could play along. He agreed and I launched into a straightforward Hank Williams number (can't remember which. It was almost 40 years ago). Before I had got to the end of the first line, he was carving away, out of tune, out of time. He played random inappropriate nonsense over the entire thing, to the extent that it was a struggle for me to get through it.

 

I put down the guitar, thanked him for coming and said I'd be in touch. "So I am in ze band?", he enquired.

 

OK, you want honesty. "I'm afraid not", I told him.

 

"Why not?".

 

"You just aren't familiar with the idiom", I replied.

 

He glared at me and said "I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

I'd had enough. I took out my fiddle and gave him a few bars of western swing legend Johnny Gimble's party trick, which was to play swing fiddle and scat sing a harmony line (a great device. I'd worked for hours to be able to do it). "Because you can't do that", I said. With a face like thunder, he put his fiddle away and left without a word. Just as well. Saved me from having to clean his blood from my carpet.

Wow!

[markbunney]

Back home from audition. It went as well as could be expected and they seemed a nice bunch etc…..

 

Ended up only playing 2 of the audition songs as they were sick of playing Go Your Own Way that night 😬

 

Instead we played 2 other songs off the setlist that I had learned, so I was glad I had made the effort to learn them.

 

hopefully I’ll hear back from them soon, one way or the other 

[asingardenof]

Sick of playing Go Your Own Way? Are you sure you want to join this band?

[MacDaddy]

20 hours ago, Dan Dare said:

"I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

Love it! 🤣

[Dan Dare]

3 hours ago, MacDaddy said:

Love it! 🤣

 

I told a couple of pals about it and they reckoned he'd done one of these self help/pop psychology courses, such as EST, that were all the rage in the 80s. They were all about being "assertive" (code for being an arrogant, self-regarding tw@t) and the like.

[Bluewine]

On 12/03/2024 at 07:50, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

Does the band have what your looking for in a band ?

Daryl

 

 

[Rich]

23 hours ago, Dan Dare said:

"I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

he put his fiddle away and left without a word.

 

But he vill be back.

 

Edited March 13 by Rich

[markbunney]

18 hours ago, markbunney said:

 

hopefully I’ll hear back from them soon, one way or the other 

I got the “thanks, but no thanks” text this afternoon which is a bummer

 

Nevermind, I enjoyed the audition and playing some songs that I wouldn’t normally play 

[MacDaddy]

1 hour ago, markbunney said:

I got the “thanks, but no thanks” text this afternoon which is a bummer

 

Nevermind, I enjoyed the audition and playing some songs that I wouldn’t normally play 

 

At least you got the text. So many people think ghosting is the answer 😡

[tauzero]

On 12/03/2024 at 17:02, Dan Dare said:

He glared at me and said "I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

"I find your lack of satisfaction disturbing".

[Len_derby]

1 hour ago, markbunney said:

I got the “thanks, but no thanks” text this afternoon which is a bummer

 

Nevermind, I enjoyed the audition and playing some songs that I wouldn’t normally play 

 

Bad luck mate, but onwards and upwards. Did they tell you why they turned you down? Always useful to know. It may well have had nothing to do with you or your abilities, in which you may not get an honest answer, The old ‘guitarist’s brother-in-law’ scenario.

[markbunney]

1 hour ago, Len_derby said:

 

Bad luck mate, but onwards and upwards. Did they tell you why they turned you down? Always useful to know. It may well have had nothing to do with you or your abilities, in which you may not get an honest answer, The old ‘guitarist’s brother-in-law’ scenario.

They didn’t really say why, just that they had gone with someone else.

 

They said the singer had voted for me, but the guitarist and drummer had voted for someone else 😂

[markbunney]

4 hours ago, Bluewine said:

Does the band have what your looking for in a band ?

Daryl

 

 

Yes it did, they had gigs lined up and a reasonable bunch of songs.
 

I didn’t like the whole setlist, but then I have never played in a band where I liked everything on the list - the majority was good though.

 

If nothing else, I am finding doing things like this is increasing my confidence with playing with new people, and learning different songs

[Bluewine]

29 minutes ago, markbunney said:

They didn’t really say why, just that they had gone with someone else.

 

They said the singer had voted for me, but the guitarist and drummer had voted for someone else 😂

 

I lost an audition years ago because I lived too far away from the other members. And I get that.

 

Daryl

 

 

[nilorius]

32 minutes ago, markbunney said:

They didn’t really say why, just that they had gone with someone else.

 

They said the singer had voted for me, but the guitarist and drummer had voted for someone else 😂

At least You got lucky with a singer, that doesn't happen often.

[nilorius]

6 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

I lost an audition years ago because I lived too far away from the other members. And I get that.

 

Daryl

 

 

And I suppose You didn't own Aston Martin.

[Gasman]

10 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

I lost an audition years ago because I lived too far away from the other members. And I get that.

 

Daryl

 

 

Me too, I spent many hours learning the four original songs a band in Bournemouth (40 miles away) sent me, did well at the audition but lost out to a bloke they already knew who lived down the road from them, saying that I lived too far away. Actually that was no problem for me as I joined another band a few weeks later (also 40 miles away!) and I was able to book the originals guys to play at a local festival I help run cos I really liked their music. Win-win all round?

[Franticsmurf]

11 hours ago, markbunney said:

If nothing else, I am finding doing things like this is increasing my confidence with playing with new people, and learning different songs

I find the same with auditions (not that I've had many) and depping. If you approach with that attitude it can also help take some of the stress and pressure away from the experience.

[Stub Mandrel]

2 hours ago, Franticsmurf said:

I find the same with auditions (not that I've had many) and depping. If you approach with that attitude it can also help take some of the stress and pressure away from the experience.

 

Yep, any opportunity to play with someone new is an opportunity to stretch yourself a bit.

[Bluewine]

13 hours ago, Gasman said:

Me too, I spent many hours learning the four original songs a band in Bournemouth (40 miles away) sent me, did well at the audition but lost out to a bloke they already knew who lived down the road from them, saying that I lived too far away. Actually that was no problem for me as I joined another band a few weeks later (also 40 miles away!) and I was able to book the originals guys to play at a local festival I help run cos I really liked their music. Win-win all round?

 

In my scenario it would have been an hour one way to rehearsals probably more for gigs. They were right, I lived too far away.

 

Daryl 

[TimR]

It depends on what standard they are. The standard of musicians I'm looking for would be able to play music they'd never heard before from charts, and at least jam to a good standard over changes.

 

Then it's about whether the bass and drums lock. The singer and guitar can think whatever they want. If bass and drums doesn't work - it won't work. 

 

Finally is there a relaxed atmosphere while you're playing and chatting?

 

Oh, and how many fights has the singer had...

[TimR]

Newstead (and Trullio) and Metallica is a completely different box of sandman.

 

Big name established band, they'll be inviting people to audition, not sticking an advert on Bandmix or Joinmyband.

[peteb]

16 minutes ago, TimR said:

Big name established band, they'll be inviting people to audition, not sticking an advert on Bandmix or Joinmyband.

 

it's not just bands on the level of Metallica - I haven't auditioned anyone, or done an audition from an advert or whatever for 30 years! Generally, you know people by reputation or you get a call from someone that you played on the same bill with somewhere. 

 

The last time I did anything like an audition was for the solo project for a guitar player who is in a household name old pop-rock band. I was recommended by the bass player, who was leaving his band. He had four guys in the frame (all recommendations), which he whittled down to two At that point, his old bass player decided that he wanted to re-join the band, so that was that! 

 

[TimR]

5 minutes ago, peteb said:

Generally, you know people by reputation or you get a call from someone that you played on the same bill with somewhere. 

 

Yes. Been a bit of a mix for me. I have a big network where I live now but I moved into a new area while I was playing in a band long-term. When I left the band it's taken me a few years to build a new network. 

 

If you move into a new area or are just starting out, then there's probably going to be a period of looking around. 

[peteb]

2 minutes ago, TimR said:

 

Yes. Been a bit of a mix for me. I have a big network where I live now but I moved into a new area while I was playing in a band long-term. When I left the band it's taken me a few years to build a new network. 

 

If you move into a new area or are just starting out, then there's probably going to be a period of looking around. 

 

It's all about establishing yourself and then networking. You have a build up a reputation as a decent player and, just as importantly, being reliable and not being a d1ck to work with. 

 

I'm looking to move abroad in a few years, so gawd knows what will happen with bands then. However, even out in Spain, I have a couple of friends who used to be promoters and who have got involved with the music scene in Andalucía. There is also a well established English guitar player in the region who has played with someone that I've played in bands with, so obviously I will be getting in contact with him (even though I've never actually met him).