Worst Auditionee

[MacDaddy]

The bands I'm in I found through JoinMyBand and one of the Facebook musicians groups.

[MiltyG565]

On 12/03/2024 at 17:02, Dan Dare said:

I have a couple of stories. They're not as good as those above, but here goes.

 

Back in the 80s, some pals and I started a western swing/honkytonk band in London. Two of the band members were an established guitar and fiddle duo who knew the material, so we were off to a good start. We put together a couple of sets, sent out demos and got some gigs. All was going swimmingly until said duo got offered several months of lucrative work in Europe and announced their departure.

 

We debated what to do. I played fiddle (it was originally my main instrument), but was playing bass in the band. Should I swap to the fiddle and look for a bass player? In the end, we decided that it was better that we had a rhythm section that knew the stuff and that we should add solo instruments (we had a competent rhythm guitar player, who also sang). We had gigs in the book and figured that a solo instrumentalist who doesn't know a number could sit out and not leave a hole, whereas a member of the rhythm section dropping clangers would not be good.

 

We put out some wanted ad's and booked a rehearsal room for auditions. We looked for guitar players first. We did have a few interesting characters show up, saying things like "country music and swing? Yeah, no problem. Only three chords, innit?". One bloke was amusing. He produced a beautiful vintage Gretsch when he set up (to approving nods from the band. He must know his stuff if he has the right instrument, eh?). We kicked off a number and he thrashed the unfortunate guitar, pogoing around and gurning. We nodded at him to take a solo, whereupon he turned the volume up and thrashed away at the same chords, jumping about on one leg and smiling broadly at us as if to say "Great, aren't I?". We politely asked him to leave his number in the waste paper basket on the way out.

 

All was not lost, though, because two guys showed up together next. They were long-time pals and playing partners, both had Telecasters (one with a B bender) and knew what they were doing, so problem number one solved.

 

Rather than hire a room to audition fiddle players, I suggested that I should invite people to my house to check them out (I would play guitar to accompany them) to weed out the no-hopers/weirdos. We agreed and I placed the ad'. One guy rang the doorbell, I answered it and he fixed me with a gimlet stare and asked me, in a heavy Germanic/Scandinavian accent, whether Zis was the place for ze audition. I replied in the affirmative, led him to the lounge and offered him a cuppa, which he declined. Attempting to make small talk and break the ice, I asked if he had come far. "Vot do you mean?", came the reply. "Er, I wondered if you lived far away", I replied. "No. I do not".  His manner was rather intense.

 

Right. Okay. Let's get down to it. "Vot does the band play?", he asked. Thinking "didn't you read the ad'?" to myself, I replied "Western swing and honkytonk. That sort of thing". Another gimlet stare. "Vot is honkytonk?" I rattled off the names of some of the better known players and singers and he looked blank.

 

I picked up my guitar and asked what he would like to start with. "I shall play you a piece that I wrote", he intoned with a fierce glare. "Do not play ze guitar, please". Um, OK. Go for it. He launched into a frenzied rendition of, er, something, sawing away furiously. It sounded vaguely like an American old time fiddle tune, The Devil's Dream, but was in some sort of free time. He finally stopped with a flourish and I said "Ah, the Devil's Dream". His eyes bored into me. "No. I wrote this tune". Have it your own way, sunshine.

 

At this point, I was ready to throw him out, but felt I should give him one more chance. I suggested I should sing one of the songs from the band's set and he could play along. He agreed and I launched into a straightforward Hank Williams number (can't remember which. It was almost 40 years ago). Before I had got to the end of the first line, he was carving away, out of tune, out of time. He played random inappropriate nonsense over the entire thing, to the extent that it was a struggle for me to get through it.

 

I put down the guitar, thanked him for coming and said I'd be in touch. "So I am in ze band?", he enquired.

 

OK, you want honesty. "I'm afraid not", I told him.

 

"Why not?".

 

"You just aren't familiar with the idiom", I replied.

 

He glared at me and said "I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

I'd had enough. I took out my fiddle and gave him a few bars of western swing legend Johnny Gimble's party trick, which was to play swing fiddle and scat sing a harmony line (a great device. I'd worked for hours to be able to do it). "Because you can't do that", I said. With a face like thunder, he put his fiddle away and left without a word. Just as well. Saved me from having to clean his blood from my carpet.

Dan, are you completely sure one of your mates didn’t find this guy and put him up to it in an attempt to wind you up? 😂

[Dan Dare]

43 minutes ago, MiltyG565 said:

Dan, are you completely sure one of your mates didn’t find this guy and put him up to it in an attempt to wind you up? 😂

 It's a possibility. I was discussing the experience with another pal who plays the fiddle and he told me the guy had been going round auditioning for people and behaving much as he had with me. 

[Bluewine]

Slightly off topic 

 

Auditioning is really a " tough nut".

 

Think about it, usually your going to end up in a room of complete strangers where most of us know very little about the band. And the band knows very little about you . I liken it to a blind date.

 

If you don't do your homework and ask key questions prior to the audition your asking for disappointment. 

 

Agreed?

 

Daryl

Edited March 15 by Bluewine

[Bluewine]

22 hours ago, TimR said:

It depends on what standard they are. The standard of musicians I'm looking for would be able to play music they'd never heard before from charts, and at least jam to a good standard over changes.

 

Then it's about whether the bass and drums lock. The singer and guitar can think whatever they want. If bass and drums doesn't work - it won't work. 

 

Finally is there a relaxed atmosphere while you're playing and chatting?

 

Oh, and how many fights has the singer had...

 

Agreed

 

We're all going to have different standards and things we're  looking for in a band.

 

I always stress, ask key questions prior to the actual audition. 

 

Daryl

[MiltyG565]

4 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

Slightly off topic 

 

Auditioning is really a " tough nut".

 

Think about it, usually your going to end up in a room of complete strangers where most of us know very little about the band. And the band knows very little about you . I liken it to a blind date.

 

If you don't do your homework and ask key questions prior to the audition your asking for disappointment. 

 

Agreed?

 

Daryl

I think it’s more like a job interview. Some people are very good at sussing out what the employer is actually asking when they ask a somewhat veiled question. Some employers already have a very good idea of who they want to hire for a role, and hardly any amount of professionalism and expertise will overcome that, and the process is there simply as an appeasement to those that insist on a “fair” process. Some candidates are a bit hopeless, as are some employers. I suppose you take the rough with the smooth, roll with the punches, push the envelope, to infinity and beyond, etc.

[Bluewine]

2 minutes ago, MiltyG565 said:

I think it’s more like a job interview. Some people are very good at sussing out what the employer is actually asking when they ask a somewhat veiled question. Some employers already have a very good idea of who they want to hire for a role, and hardly any amount of professionalism and expertise will overcome that, and the process is there simply as an appeasement to those that insist on a “fair” process. Some candidates are a bit hopeless, as are some employers. I suppose you take the rough with the smooth, roll with the punches, push the envelope, to infinity and beyond, etc.

 

Very astute commentary. 

 

I bet many who dismiss this have probably auditioned not knowing the band had already picked who they're going to hire.

 

Daryl

[nilorius]

16 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

Agreed

 

We're all going to have different standards and things we're  looking for in a band.

 

I always stress, ask key questions prior to the actual audition. 

 

Daryl

Yeah, ''different standarts'' and Donna Lee has no good standarts, at all! 🤣

[Stub Mandrel]

31 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

Slightly off topic 

 

Auditioning is really a " tough nut".

 

Think about it, usually your going to end up in a room of complete strangers where most of us know very little about the band. And the band knows very little about you . I liken it to a blind date.

 

If you don't do your homework and ask key questions prior to the audition your asking for disappointment. 

 

Agreed?

 

Daryl

 

Bit like depping... except with a dep they have to take what they get (especially if the first time is a gig...)

[Bluewine]

On 13/03/2024 at 16:41, nilorius said:

And I suppose You didn't own Aston Martin.

Nope, a 2017 4 cylinder Ford Focus with 50k miles on it. Lol

 

Daryl

[JoeEvans]

I had a job once in which I had to sit in on loads of job interviews as part of the panel, but I wasn't really the key player in making the decisions - I was there more to ensure consistent and correct process. It was a fascinating experience. What jumped out is that there's always a specific situation going on for the employer that the new person will have to step into, so that the employer always has a strong idea of the kind of person they need, but the interviewee doesn't and can't know any of that.

It made me much more relaxed about getting interviewed myself. You can't know what they're after, so you just need to present who you are and what you can do in a clear and friendly way, and if it lines up with what they need then great, and if not then there's nothing you can do about that. We turned down loads of great people because they weren't quite what was needed - no reflection on them at all.

Edited March 16 by JoeEvans

[MiltyG565]

3 hours ago, JoeEvans said:

I had a job once in which I had to sit in on loads of job interviews as part of the panel, but I wasn't really the key player in making the decisions - I was there more to ensure consistent and correct process. It was a fascinating experience. What jumped out is that there's always a specific situation going on for the employer that the new person will have to step into, so that the employer always has a strong idea of the kind of person they need, but the interviewee doesn't and can't know any of that.

It made me much more relaxed about getting interviewed myself. You can't know what they're after, so you just need to present who you are and what you can do in a clear and friendly way, and if it lines up with what they need then great, and if not then there's nothing you can do about that. We turned down loads of great people because they weren't quite what was needed - no reflection on them at all.

 

I've done a ton of interviews, and not gotten the job for most of them. Sometimes because I did a really bad interview (which was the case for almost every interview for a good 3 years in my early 20s) and sometimes because they simply liked somebody else for the role. It can be hard not to take it personally, but them's the brakes (and them's the clutch and throttle too).

 

It will inevitably be worse when it comes to music and playing in bands, because there's no real expectation of fairness or that quantifiable metrics are going to seal the deal, more often than not, bands are going to want somebody whose personality fits with the band and requires little direction, and who is competent and reliable and all those other lovely things that I'm sure a million other auditionees could demonstrate.

 

I think the worst situation is to be sat with a hundred good options and having to find a way to whittle it down. Sometimes it's good just to be able to take a few and immediately say "absolutely not" and throw them in the bin, so to speak.

[nilorius]

28 minutes ago, MiltyG565 said:

 

I've done a ton of interviews, and not gotten the job for most of them. Sometimes because I did a really bad interview (which was the case for almost every interview for a good 3 years in my early 20s) and sometimes because they simply liked somebody else for the role. It can be hard not to take it personally, but them's the brakes (and them's the clutch and throttle too).

 

It will inevitably be worse when it comes to music and playing in bands, because there's no real expectation of fairness or that quantifiable metrics are going to seal the deal, more often than not, bands are going to want somebody whose personality fits with the band and requires little direction, and who is competent and reliable and all those other lovely things that I'm sure a million other auditionees could demonstrate.

 

I think the worst situation is to be sat with a hundred good options and having to find a way to whittle it down. Sometimes it's good just to be able to take a few and immediately say "absolutely not" and throw them in the bin, so to speak.

My worst job interview was when i asked too many questions about the job.

[MiltyG565]

6 hours ago, nilorius said:

My worst job interview was when i asked too many questions about the job.

 

Did you get it? 🤣

 

I have to say, I got the job after one of my "worst ever" interviews. They were desperate, and I suppose nobody they interviewed had my experience (which wasn't much at the time, but the job paid peanuts). It was for a temporary vacancy, but I was actually made semi-permanent after a short time (they filled the position I was in with a permanent staff member and that should have been the back of me) and moved to another shop which had died a death. When I left they were talking about making me a stand-in manager (I was managing shops for them) to cover other managers so they could take time off (it was a charity so finding cover so you could take your leave was nigh-on impossible). I left that job and went to work for BT, which is the only time I've regretted switching jobs.

 

Anyway, I suppose what I'm saying is; even if your audition is rubbish, they might just be desperate enough to give you the gig anyway, and that's really your opportunity to impress them.

 

Has anybody here given somebody the gig after an awful audition?

Edited March 16 by MiltyG565