Awkward Band Problem

[thebeat]

Take off and nuke him from space...it's the only way to be sure that he wont inflict himself on some other unsuspecting blues band. Alternatively: set fire to his drumkit whiles he's playing..he should get the message with that one.

Edited May 16, 2009 by thebeat

[steve-soar]

I've been kicked out, kicked other member out and left of my own accord, all of them felt horrible.

When I first started playing, I was asked to fill in on bass, as the orginal bass player was going to uni.....and the band new I had a bass.
I could hardly play, as I had only owned a bass for a couple of months but I was keen to learn and up for the challenge.
I learned the songs and thought all was fine, then the singer left, because he couldn't stand the sax/guitar player and the bands direction changed instantly, from punky/goth/electronic, to ballady AOR.

I had now become good friends with the drummer, who was thinking it was time to go, me as the noob didn't now how to play this, so we stayed put.
The sax/guitar then sacked the keyboard player and bought a DX7 (big deal back then), which gave him more power (so he thought), as he was now playing sax, guitar and keys. We had also gone from lyrics to do with alienation, fear and confusion (perfect angsty teenage fair), to "When I, I look deeply into your eyes, all I can see, is that you'll never stop loving me."

The drummer left and my head was reeling, within a couple of days a new drummer arrived, with the biggest mullet you have ever seen and a "Staccato" drum kit, (anybody remember them?).

Can you see a patern emerging?

So I arrived at sax/guit/DX7 and now vocals persons flat and knocked on the door, (his flat was over a shop) and I could hear drumming, I then could hear those terrible cheesy presets on the DX7, I could also hear this great bass playing and a band that sounds tight but sh*te.
I carried on knocking, then all completely went quiet. I continued to knock and shout up the stairs for ages but I didn't hear another peep.

I walked around the streets for a few hours with my bass, feeling angry, worthless and sick and called back, this time the door was answered and sax/, oh you know who answered, he told me there was my gear and could I take it away ASAP, I touched my amp and it was still warm, cheeky bastards had used it.
I phoned the drummer and he came round and helped me remove it.

That was the first time I realised that this amazing thing called music could actually be responsible for making you feel small and worthless, as well as full of joy and excitment.
I would have prefered to have been told that the band were at a certain level and I couldn't match them at that moment, than be deceived.
Honesty works, try it.



DX7's.

Edited May 16, 2009 by steve-soar

[neepheid]

I'm pretty sure I'm the second best bass player in my band. All this talk of sacking folk has got me on edge

[wateroftyne]

I've been sacked recently (the whole band, actually)... via an out-of-the-blue email, with virtually no explanation.

If I can offer one bit of advice... don't do it that way.

[iamapirate]

I was in EXACTLY the same situation as you about 3 months ago (only we were sacking the rhythm guitarist, who was reallly being overshadowed by the AMAZING lead guitarist), and it ended up with me in a room with the rest of the band (vocalist, drummer, lead guitarist) trying to convince him that he was being overshadowed by the Jimi Hendrix Re-incarnate and that he should leave as he would make a great guitarist elsewhere. I suck at bad news and I was the only one with enough balls to go ahead and get rid of him (in a nice way). Bottom Line: He half took it well. He pretended that he didn't care then sent me an email begging for mercey the next day as though it was only me in the band that had wanted him out

proper bottom line: Once it's done, do it properly. Change band passwords, emails, etc. It may sound harsh, but as bassbloke said, DONT expect to be firends after. It's the cold, harsh truth, I'm afraid.

[Shambo]

Just send them an email with a link to this thread.

[jezzaboy]

As has been said, get someone to tell them straight that it just aint happening but make sure that you have a replacement lined up who you know fits playing wise, is reliable and most importantly, you can get on with the guy.

We had to get rid of our rhythm player as he wasn`t doing anything basically and wouldn`t take the hints about improving his playing. He was doing the lead guitarist`s head in and rather than tell him straight, we folded the band, started back up and added a singer from a previous band and never contacted him again.
It still bother`s me the way we got rid of him and if we meet him I don`t know what I/he will say as he was an alright guy. But you have to do the deed as I think that there is no point in playing in a band unless you are enjoying it.

Jez

[thebeat]

[quote name='neepheid' post='489963' date='May 16 2009, 05:26 PM']I'm pretty sure I'm the second best bass player in my band. All this talk of sacking folk has got me on edge [/quote]

[Dom in Dorset]

I've had the "split and re-form" done on me once, I was a bit narked at first but, when I heard their new material that they'd been working on I thought "how lame , I'm glad I'm not part of this!"
I'm not saying it's a good way to go about it but, in my case it didn't cause any serious problems and we are all matey again.

[bassbloke]

One final point. It's a small world. No matter how you part company, do not, under any circumstances, bad mouth any ex members. Depending on the nature of the sacking and/or how much of a tosspot they are, they may well get to work slagging you off to all their mates, promoters, etc... My previous band made a point of telling me what a knob and poor bass player my predecessor was. We had a band meeting one evening and said bass player walked in. Turns out that I'd sold him his bass and gigged with him loads of times in a previous band.

I should add that I've broken every single rule in my little list at some point.

[steve-soar]

[quote name='bassbloke' post='490112' date='May 16 2009, 08:20 PM']One final point. It's a small world. No matter how you part company, do not, under any circumstances, bad mouth any ex members. Depending on the nature of the sacking and/or how much of a tosspot they are, they may well get to work slagging you off to all their mates, promoters, etc... My previous band made a point of telling me what a knob and poor bass player my predecessor was. We had a band meeting one evening and said bass player walked in. Turns out that I'd sold him his bass and gigged with him loads of times in a previous band.

I should add that I've broken every single rule in my little list at some point.[/quote]Best post of the thread so far.

[Dom in Dorset]

Don't make ememies on your way up - you never know who you'll meet on your way down.
I can't remember where I heard that but, I can't see any harm in it.

[thepurpleblob]

I've only ever done this once and it was the drummer too. Ok, you need to (in the nicest possible way) grow a pair. Someone has to tell him. Someone be brave, draw straws, whatever. Deep breath, phone him up and tell him exactly what you told us - be honest. Don't get into a discussion, thank him for his time say goodbye and hang up. That's it, don't piss him around and don't make a big deal of it. He'll probably be upset but that's life.

BTW... I was sacked once and the band "leader" sent me a one line email saying "I'm going to try another bass player". My feeling was and is that I at least deserved an explanation not some ginger coward taking the piss (you know who you are) as I certainly had not taken the piss out of him. Treat others as you would be wish to be treated yourself !!

Edited May 16, 2009 by thepurpleblob

[Adrenochrome]

It needs to be done face to face, but as few people as possible; probably the band leader or founder member.

[Greene-Mann]

possibly been mensioned beforehand...

(From experience)

Another thing to make sure of after telling him to hike (in the appropriate nice way of course); that all the other guys in the band would be honest with him if he asks the ol' classic of "do YOU still want me in the band"...then alot of people ive played with seem to turn to chicken sh*t and say that grand sentence "i said it was up to XXXXX, i didnt mind whether you were in or not"....when just 5 minutes ago on the phone to you theyre saying "damn happy we got rid of XXXX he was a bit crap werent he?

That way they cover their own behind and try to drop you in it...(if your the one who tells him of course)....


Nearlly headbutted the guitarist in a previous band for that after we sacked a singer who was trying to transform us into a journey tribute band (nothing againt journey; just we were obsessed with the Zep at the time)

[johnnylager]

I've 'done' a few drummists over the years, I still talk to all of them and they often come to our gigs. Honesty is the best policy, playing a sh*t gig with them is also another option.

I was once sacked from a hair metal band because I wouldn't buy one of these in white. Wish I had now.

[Bay Splayer]

pay a [i]heavy[/i] to break both his arms

get a new (better) drummer while he`s healing

invite him to a gig or rehearsal with new and better drummer

hopefully he realises new bloke is better than him

[99ster]

[quote name='Mickeyboro' post='489564' date='May 16 2009, 09:26 AM']I have recently been in a situation where my services were not required. The bandleader split the band, then re-engaged everyone but me - and I would much have preferred him to be straight up about it.

Mind you, when you join a band whose two keyboard players both own more expensive basses/rigs than you, maybe you should expect these things! [/quote]


Two keyboard players? Shudder.

You're better off out of that I'd say!

[jonny-lad]

+1 for growing a pair and being honest with them - if you want to be treated with respect you have to respect others...even if they are holding your band back.

People outside of the band inevitably become aware of the way you handle these situations and you can quickly find yourself losing the respect of many more than just the person you want rid of.

[pnefc42]

[quote name='jonny-lad' post='490875' date='May 17 2009, 09:16 PM']+1 for growing a pair and being honest with them - if you want to be treated with respect you have to respect others...even if they are holding your band back.[/quote]

+1 to this - funnily enough I've just experienced this from a slightly different perspective in that I have recently (last weekend) decided to chuck the towel in with regard to a 6 piece 80s function band I have been a member of for the past 3 years....
After a rehearsal last Sunday I came to said conclusion (for a whole host of reasons I won't go into) and, once decided on my course of action, felt that the only way to handle it was to phone each member in turn to inform them of my decision and explain the reasons (I would have obviously preferred to do it face to face but the fact we're spread across three counties and difficultly in aligning diaries etc was one of the reasons behind the decision made this impractical) - I then spent the next 3 hours talking to each of my bandmates in turn to let them know of my decision

Handle it whichever way you think is most appropriate, but the best advise I can give is to do it in a way you feel comfortable with and also think about how you'd like to be treated if the boot was on the other foot.......

Regards
Dave

[s_u_y_*]

[quote name='neepheid' post='489963' date='May 16 2009, 05:26 PM']I'm pretty sure I'm the second best bass player in my band. [b]All this talk of sacking folk has got me on edge [/b][/quote]

You're not the only one! The drummer parted ways with us a little while ago and we've got a temporary replacement who's amazing. I've been realising that it's been over a year since I've put any solid hours of practise in. I think I better put some in quick before someone realises how rubbish I am compared to everyone else. lol

[maxrossell]

I don't know if anyone mentioned this, but it's an old standard in romantic relationships:

Make him quit of his own accord.

Start f*cking him about, while making it look like you're just being a bit disorganised and hopeless. Start making suggestions about doing covers that you know he'll hate. Start playing out of tune and out of time and making really bad mistakes, and then blame him for it. All that kind of sh*t, and he'll start thinking about jumping right away.

Then, the master-move: The palm-off.

Find a band that's looking for a drummer. Tell them that you know how they feel, you had a hell of a time finding a drummer as good as yours, but hint to them that as good as your drummer is you suspect that he might feel more at home in their band, and you feel like you're holding him back. Do it in such a way that the new band think they'd actually be doing everyone a bit of a favour if they asked him to join up with them.

By this point, you'll hopefully have pissed the guy off so much with your fake flakiness that he'll inevitably see any offer from another band as an improvement. So he'll quit your band, which saves you the trouble of being the dumper.



Or, do it the way I always do it. Sit the guy down in a pub, buy him a pint, tell him that you don't like doing what you're about to do, and then prepare to be the bad guy. Don't mince words, be honest (not brutally honest), tell him straight that you've all decided he's out. Refuse to discuss anything like who's replacing him or whatnot, just make it clear that you think he's a great guy and a fine musician, but your band needs a different kind of drummer and that's it.

Then leave quickly, pretty much before he can get a chance to say anything or try to bargain or anything else pathetic or whatnot. All he needs to know is he's out, you all agree and it's nothing personal.

[Stylon Pilson]

[quote name='maxrossell' post='491410' date='May 18 2009, 02:42 PM']Or, do it the way I always do it. Sit the guy down in a pub, buy him a pint, tell him that you don't like doing what you're about to do, and then prepare to be the bad guy. Don't mince words, be honest (not brutally honest), tell him straight that you've all decided he's out. Refuse to discuss anything like who's replacing him or whatnot, just make it clear that you think he's a great guy and a fine musician, but your band needs a different kind of drummer and that's it.

Then leave quickly, pretty much before he can get a chance to say anything or try to bargain or anything else pathetic or whatnot. All he needs to know is he's out, you all agree and it's nothing personal.[/quote]

Interesting. Does this mean that you should buy him a pint, but not one for yourself? Or should you leave a nearly-full pint on the table? Perhaps you should get yourself a whiskey instead?

Your method of jettisoning the drummer is interesting too, don't get me wrong, but the stuff about the beer is just too important to leave unresolved.

S.P.

Edited May 18, 2009 by Stylon Pilson

[maxrossell]

[quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='491423' date='May 18 2009, 02:50 PM']Interesting. Does this mean that you should buy him a pint, but not one for yourself? Or should you leave a nearly-full pint on the table? Perhaps you should get yourself a whiskey instead?

Your method of jettisoning the drummer is interesting too, don't get me wrong, but the stuff about the beer is just too important to leave unresolved.

S.P.[/quote]

I drink fast.

Get the drummer a pint, get yourself a Jack n' Coke. That way, you'll have halved it before he's even past the crease.

[MacDaddy]

[quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='491423' date='May 18 2009, 02:50 PM']Your method of jettisoning the drummer is interesting too, don't get me wrong, but the stuff about the beer is just too important to leave unresolved.

S.P.[/quote]

+1

[quote name='Dom in Somerset' post='490172' date='May 16 2009, 09:43 PM']Don't make ememies on your way up - you never know who you'll meet on your way down.
I can't remember where I heard that but, I can't see any harm in it.[/quote]

we're all on the way up? Yay!

[quote name='steve-soar' post='489953' date='May 16 2009, 05:13 PM']DX7's. [/quote]

remember how convincing the brass sounds were on the DX7's the first time you heard them