Solid oak table….er bass….thing

[ash]

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/126674049903?_skw=bass+guitar&itmmeta=01J7RPSY631P0CJMA8X21K6BZA&hash=item1d7e5c9b6f:g:FlYAAOSwqhlm5aWB&itmprp=enc%3AAQAJAAAA8HoV3kP08IDx%2BKZ9MfhVJKm8LC7UyikcRntyw3VvG6K6ZrriFcKD8TduKvkyhkDMoxcmYVGwfptwWy9oy%2Fj0JAIsj0ZUWd7AqMxtsO3nEYmCeva%2BYrCptlbh91MAEwnPRyd5Tfr18lmVsNhFxP5PglOb6BTE8CiOx3FUtJpLZKsoxnkiIOKm5PIjpcF2DoKAlBdHxy%2B7et2bSXGzvxdgMIe7ougV9hjP1FvBC8x06TKUf4rPPKUiwuqwJYe%2FxTi6ikgYIm4P3FaK0nZ1mWfKxmM1ph2iCkKuMU4pKz43CaOVwkRp26R6iWzxyx9HdD2C3A%3D%3D|tkp%3ABk9SR5Dj55a-ZA&edge=0
 

I particularly enjoyed the optimistic AI description. 

[oldslapper]

Clearly had lessons from “you know who” given the “jaunty” angled machineheads. 

[rwillett]

This custom very solid English oak table 4-string bass guitar is a nightmare dream come true for anybody careless enough to gaze up on it music enthusiast. Crafted by a Custom Workshop that specialises in restoring Soviet WWII era tanks, this electric bass guitar features a rosewood fretboard and a neck made of both rosewood and maple.

It has a unique, so unique that nobody has ever thought of doing this and my god there have been some weird, wonderful and crap ideas over the last 70 or so years, body shape, and should be played with a strap as it doesn't sit on your knee easily! It also doesn't sit on your shoulder much better as it weighs something close to a small Honda Civic. Best played using a crane to hold it in place unless you have 96" chest and pick full beer barrels up for fun.

The 4/4 (beats, ft, inches, tonnes, miles?) size and light (as in colour as opposed to mass) Oak body colour make this bass guitar a stunning (this depends on your definition of the word stunning, I would assume that anybody seeing this would be stunned that anybody would pay for this) addition to any collection. The guitar is strung with 4 strings and has a solid (when we say solid, we mean solid) body material of oak. Whether you're a beginner (run away) or a sozzled seasoned player (run even further) , this bass guitar is perfect (for some definition of perfect I struggled to find in any online dictionary) for you. It can also be used to open 6ft tall beer bottles.

 

It can be collected from Norbiton (this explains a very great deal) and, Southwest London for free, if you choose the every Evri delivery, it will be dismantled (do you possess 50mm spanners for the reassembly?) before dispatch as they only allow 1.2 meters long parcel ! (There's a reason for this and we've just found it) However if you choose Evri there is a very good , indeed excellent, chance that you will never receive it, which in this case is probably a very good thing indeed.

 

Fixed the description.

 

Rob

Edited September 16 by rwillett

[tauzero]

I briefly wondered why it had door handles mounted each side of the headstock. The door handle on the right does give an inkling of the craftmanship of the owner of the Custom Shed Workshop in question.

[KingBollock]

Zooming in to see the headstock, I noticed the name Paul Lemmon scrawled on something. Looking the name up, I found this:

 

Quote

Paul Lemmon is an artist, painting in oil and acrylic from collaged film footage and corrupted video files. Based in Coventry, UK

Looking at his home page, I see that he takes scraps of old crap and arranges them into things that are difficult to look at…

[alyctes]

Somebody saw the word "axe" used to describe a guitar, and took it way too literally.

[Bassassin]

Another entry in the ever-growing sub-category of basses which is:

 

Home Made Basses That Should Be Used To Beat Some Aesthetic Sensibility Into Their Creators.