Sacked from your own band by stealth!

[cetera]

6 hours ago, cetera said:

 

 

 

SORRY! Accidentally posted my old post from previous page again. Ignore....

Edited October 23 by cetera
Duplicate post

[casapete]

5 hours ago, cetera said:

That happened with my theatre show a few years ago. I started the band with the drummer.... and we spent a year getting the right line-up in place. 2nd guitarist comes in, says he has lots of spare time so can book the gigs. Very kind.... and the 7 of us go out and play some amazing shows around the country with great reviews mentioning our authenticity, attention to detail, big bv's, multi-layered parts etc.

 

Without our knowledge 2nd guitarist decides he wants ALL the money so starts a 2nd band doing the EXACT same set list but with just 4 people and a box of lies on click (containing keys, bv's, additional gtr etc). Tells all venues we have split up but he has a new band doing the same thing which can take over all dates without interruption

 

We lose ALL our hard won shows to his new band and we have to try to start all over again.... then Covid hits.

 

Post-Covid he takes over where he left off. Venues weren't interested in our side of the story, they just want a band playing those songs.

 

Not many people I'd happily p*ss on if they were on fire, but he's one...

 

 

I encountered something similar a number of years ago. New singer in our function band came onboard,

promising all sorts of things he could do to increase our presence and reputation, which to be fair was 

already quite strong. All good to begin with, but after the band didn’t see eye to eye with some of his

ideas ( including ‘cheap’ gigs for agents and some of his acquaintances) we discovered he was giving

out his personal business cards on our gigs when we thought he was distributing ours. Soon after we 

gave him the boot, but the damage was already done - he started a new band doing similar stuff to our

band and boosting his reputation by quoting his time with us as a reference. Soon many of the gigs we

had always done regularly dried up, as he quoted less than our usual fees and was very good with 

crawling around people, gift of the gab etc. 

We carried on doing what we could, and managed to keep things going with a new frontman for a few years. 
However, as money got tight and people started cutting budgets on weddings and corporate events, 

inevitably there were only so many gigs to go round and we struggled. I had to leave eventually, which

turned out okay for me but the band never fully recovered from things and eventually folded. Whilst this

may have been the case anyway, I’ve always thought that this guy was largely to blame. ( He now goes 

out as a solo vocalist with backing tracks….)

[Dan Dare]

I wonder what the guitar player's take on this is.

[MrDaveTheBass]

On 22/10/2024 at 19:07, Dad3353 said:

On the other hand, Life is too short for any pettiness. Let it go, you're bigger than that, and no kittens have been harmed. 

Unless of course the OP decides to start hurling trained attack kittens at the band mid set. Buah huh ha! 🤪

[Dad3353]

Just now, MrDaveTheBass said:

Unless of course the OP decides to start hurling trained attack kittens at the band mid set. Buah huh ha! 🤪

 

Darn it..! I hadn't thought of that..! Hmm... Where's the nearest telephone..? Quickly, now..! 

[MacDaddy]

On 22/10/2024 at 19:07, Dad3353 said:

On the other hand, Life is too short 

 

Too short? What do you do that is longer?

[Dad3353]

1 minute ago, MacDaddy said:

Too short? What do you do that is longer?

 

Err... Not exist..? 

[ARGH]

Experience has taught me to not waste effort with anger, but always remember the result of the actions of others. 

Secondly, if a band has a long list of ex members, find the consistent one, and there you will find the problem.

 

In time, you may be lucky and get an apology.

[spongebob]

6 hours ago, ARGH said:

Experience has taught me to not waste effort with anger, but always remember the result of the actions of others. 

Secondly, if a band has a long list of ex members, find the consistent one, and there you will find the problem.

 

In time, you may be lucky and get an apology.

I agree. I was drumming for band I helped form, some years back, and I was dumped by email. It was a trio…..I immediately tried to ring them both, neither would even answer their phones.

 

Dusted myself down, and within days, I met and got involved in another project. 👍

 

That’s the good bit…..the bad was it was the thing that ultimately made me never want to drum again, and I haven’t. 
 

Anyway, it’s always best to maintain dignity, move on, and put it behind you. I’d like to say they’ll get their Karma, but TBH, I’ve seen enough people in life carry on without a care to make me doubt that exists! 🫣

[Boodang]

On 23/10/2024 at 19:45, Dan Dare said:

I wonder what the guitar player's take on this is.

The guitarist, quite frankly lame, excuse was 'your strengths really are in playing the acoustic numbers'. I pointed out that even if that is the case I hadn't excused myself from the non acoustic side of the band and certainly not anything that was discussed. And I certainly didn't feel that he as the guitarist held executive powers in the band (of which I am a co founder) to decide which numbers I play on and which I don't. I did get an apology, of sorts, from the drummer who said sorry they didn't think it thru. The guitarist.... nothing. 

Still, in the meantime I have a blues band that's doing really well with musicians who do think about each other, so at least I have more time to concentrate on that. I suspect the blues band might have something to do with their behaviour but I've always been upfront about other projects and I've never let them get in the way in terms of commitment. Still, as has been said, move on and don't let anger be the main emotion, after all we did have some great gigs, so have to be grateful for that. 

Edited Friday at 04:46 by Boodang

[Lord Sausage]

I can beat that, I was fired from a band i wasn't even in!

[TimR]

54 minutes ago, Lord Sausage said:

I can beat that, I was fired from a band i wasn't even in!

 

That requires a thread of it's own. 😆

[tauzero]

4 hours ago, Lord Sausage said:

I can beat that, I was fired from a band i wasn't even in!

 

Was that the same concept as getting your retaliation in first?

[Dan Dare]

On 25/10/2024 at 05:41, Boodang said:

The guitarist, quite frankly lame, excuse was 'your strengths really are in playing the acoustic numbers'. I pointed out that even if that is the case I hadn't excused myself from the non acoustic side of the band and certainly not anything that was discussed.

 

Not really his take, more your version of it. No mention of acoustic/non acoustic sides of the band in the OP. If I was told that, I'd take it as code for "we've found someone better". It happens.

[Boodang]

7 hours ago, Dan Dare said:

 

Not really his take, more your version of it. No mention of acoustic/non acoustic sides of the band in the OP. If I was told that, I'd take it as code for "we've found someone better". It happens.

It happens, I agree, and it's more than likely that they've found someone better, but they took the cowards way to sack me. And by doing that it's affected the friendship which is the point. If they had been up front about it I wouldn't have minded.

 

Edited Monday at 04:29 by Boodang

[zbd1960]

Sorry to hear this but unfortunately it happens, including in amateur choirs and orchestras, in fact in any club/society/group, which is where my experience mostly sits. I could regale you with tales going back decades… but even in the last few months I’ve walked away from a group due to stupid behaviour. At 64 I’ve zero tolerance of stupid behaviour and I won’t waste my time on such stuff.   

 

The word ‘empathy’ is over-used, but it is what is lacking here. To mix metaphors, some people are just tone deaf. Ultimately, it’s selfishness (people are too quick to use the word ‘narcissist’ these days, which is more extreme) they’ve seen what they think is an ‘opportunity’ and jumped to make it happen without thinking through the issues and consequences. 

 

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff happens, which can shake you as it causes you to lose trust in people. I’ve had two very bad experiences over the years as well as all the small things that happen. The two big ones were very upsetting as I’d given years of my time to both groups. 

 

All we can do is try to learn from it and move on. As someone who has only discovered in the last three years that they are mildly autistic, it does explain some of my difficulties in understanding the behaviour of others. Doesn’t justify it though.

 

Hopefully other things will come along.

 

On the plus side, the world of any specialist activity is small and word gets around…

 

Good luck.      

[Boodang]

41 minutes ago, zbd1960 said:

Sorry to hear this but unfortunately it happens, including in amateur choirs and orchestras, in fact in any club/society/group, which is where my experience mostly sits. I could regale you with tales going back decades… but even in the last few months I’ve walked away from a group due to stupid behaviour. At 64 I’ve zero tolerance of stupid behaviour and I won’t waste my time on such stuff.   

 

The word ‘empathy’ is over-used, but it is what is lacking here. To mix metaphors, some people are just tone deaf. Ultimately, it’s selfishness (people are too quick to use the word ‘narcissist’ these days, which is more extreme) they’ve seen what they think is an ‘opportunity’ and jumped to make it happen without thinking through the issues and consequences. 

 

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff happens, which can shake you as it causes you to lose trust in people. I’ve had two very bad experiences over the years as well as all the small things that happen. The two big ones were very upsetting as I’d given years of my time to both groups. 

 

All we can do is try to learn from it and move on. As someone who has only discovered in the last three years that they are mildly autistic, it does explain some of my difficulties in understanding the behaviour of others. Doesn’t justify it though.

 

Hopefully other things will come along.

 

On the plus side, the world of any specialist activity is small and word gets around…

 

Good luck.      

Yeah, I think for me the lack of an adult conversation is the unforgivable bit. Normally when sh!t happens in a band you get over it and move on, I guess in this case it’s because it wasn’t just a band it was friends, we hang out with other, support each others projects, play in darts teams together, in fact spent more time not playing music together. In theory no musical secrets at least, so came as extra surprising. But as you say, it happens in all walks of life not just bands. Still takes me by surprise every time.