Stylon Pilson Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 An old friend of mine is getting married in July. Back in January, she emailed my ex-band (split on amicable terms) asking us if we'd be willing to play at her wedding. Some members (me and the keyboard player) said yes, but the others said no, so we decided to get some other musicians together and form a band for the occasion. Back in April we managed to get a really good drummer on board - a guy that we've played with before, top notch bloke, great player. Around then we also started putting the set list together - the bride-to-be emailed us some suggestions, the plan being that we take maybe half a dozen of those songs, put them with 6-8 suggestions of our own, and play for 90 minutes. The drummer and guitarist (the fourth member of the band) both said that they were happy to play whatever songs the keyboardist and I came up with. However, the keyboardist has been dragging his feet, despite my best coaxing. Last night the drummer emailed us saying that he's pulling out, because he's got lots of things on and can't spare the time for learning covers. I've emailed the keyboardist saying that I don't think we should do the gig, because if it's taken us 6 weeks to decide what songs we're going to play, then that's a very bad sign, and I don't want to be responsible for ruining my friend's wedding day. It would be better for us to pull out now, so that they've still got 2 months to make alternative arrangements. I feel like even if we rescue this situation by finding a replacement drummer, I have no confidence that some other catastrophe won't befall us nearer the time. It's also brought back memories of my ex-band. I tend to remember them with rose-tinted glasses, because the music we made was so good, but the trouble that I'm having with the keyboardist has brought to mind how frustrated I used to get because I ended up doing all the organisation, and trying to even get a list of available dates out of the rest of them was like trying to get blood out of a stone. This has really put a dampener on my mood today. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 (edited) Sorry to hear it, SP. You'll be doing exactly the right thing by cancelling with plenty of notice. Let your friend have a nice wedding day - that's the most important consideration. And, let's face it, the crowd probably wouldn't fancy 90 mins of solo bass - not even the esteemed Messrs Wooten or Manring Edited May 30, 2009 by skankdelvar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 [quote name='skankdelvar' post='501610' date='May 30 2009, 01:49 PM']Sorry to hear it, SP. You'll be doing exactly the right thing by cancelling with plenty of notice. Let your friend have a nice wedding day - that's the most important consideration. And, let's face it, the crowd probably wouldn't fancy 90 mins of solo bass - not even the esteemed Messrs Wooten or Manring [/quote] It's just a shame because I was really looking forward to this gig. Well, specifically I was looking forward to playing with this particular drummer, but I guess that ship has sailed. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='501628' date='May 30 2009, 02:09 PM']It's just a shame because I was really looking forward to this gig. Well, specifically I was looking forward to playing with this particular drummer, but I guess that ship has sailed. S.P.[/quote] Bummer, that. Maybe you can sort something out with him anyhow...easier to do without the albatross of a crap gig round everyone's necks... May your chops be ever fruitful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MB1 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 MB1. Bit of a downer that S.P but get on the phone to your Unmarried friend as soon as possible! i'm sure theyll understand! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayman Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Bands.....what a pain in the butt they are. I've had 30 years of that kind of cobblers, and I've been close to calling it a day altogether many times because of the politics involved, but, we just keep going don't we? You've done the right thing as far as the wedding is concerned, good call that, doesn't make it any less annoying though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Cooke Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='501628' date='May 30 2009, 02:09 PM']It's just a shame because I was really looking forward to this gig. Well, specifically I was looking forward to playing with this particular drummer, but I guess that ship has sailed. S.P.[/quote] you could see if you could sit in with whichever band she does actually get for the gig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
risingson Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 That must be annoying. I'm in a similar band setup, luckily for us our drummer deals with all our admin exceptionally well, plus there is the added bonus of three people in the band being brothers, and myself being a cousin, so it's very much a family affair. I think it's incredibly unfair to pull out of gigs last minute, it really shows the inadequacies and the unprofessionalism of a musician. If you want to make a living as a working musician, pulling out last minute is something that will earn you an incredibly bad reputation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepurpleblob Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 (edited) To be blunt, if there's one thing you don't do that would be to f*** with someone's wedding plans. The bride will hound you to your grave I don't want to make a bad situation worse but two months is no time at all to book another band. Certainly round my way, the good wedding bands are booked years in advance. By trying to be helpful you've probably done a bad thing. Pull out, grovel, learn valuable lesson! Edited May 30, 2009 by thepurpleblob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus27 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Sorry to hear this SP. Really hope you can get something sorted or your friend understands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leschirons Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Were you playing for free as a wedding pressent, or was it a paid gig? If it was a payer, you've made the right decision to pull out and maybe you could help her find another covers band for the day. If it's a freebee, it's more difficult as she now has to fund a band and weddings are expensive enough already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 [quote name='leschirons' post='501980' date='May 30 2009, 11:32 PM']Were you playing for free as a wedding pressent, or was it a paid gig? If it was a payer, you've made the right decision to pull out and maybe you could help her find another covers band for the day. If it's a freebee, it's more difficult as she now has to fund a band and weddings are expensive enough already.[/quote] Yeah, this thought did occur to me. We were doing it as a wedding present. Keyboardist player has accepted responsibility and is going to ask the bride-to-be what she wants us to do. I'm glad that I don't have to be the one to tell her. Lesson learned - next time, decide up front who is going to be the band leader. I wanted to be a lot more insistent about getting a set list together sooner, but I wasn't the official band leader, so I didn't want to start acting like one. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xgsjx Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Would Basschat not be a good place to try & find her a wedding band? It would give her an option if she hasn't found/got time to find a replacement & would show that you care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 [quote name='xgsjx' post='502067' date='May 31 2009, 07:06 AM']Would Basschat not be a good place to try & find her a wedding band? It would give her an option if she hasn't found/got time to find a replacement & would show that you care.[/quote] Good call. I don't know yet what she wants, but if she does want to look for a band, I'll put a request out here. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xgsjx Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Why not have a wee ask about just now & see who's available (provisionally) then get back to her & ask what her plans are there & that you know a wedding band that she can have a listen to (hopefully on tinterweb) that can play? Gets you prepared early with a yes/no rather than coming back not finding anyone after saying you'll look for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 [quote name='xgsjx' post='502069' date='May 31 2009, 07:19 AM']Why not have a wee ask about just now & see who's available (provisionally) then get back to her & ask what her plans are there & that you know a wedding band that she can have a listen to (hopefully on tinterweb) that can play? Gets you prepared early with a yes/no rather than coming back not finding anyone after saying you'll look for her.[/quote] Fair point. Have done. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowdown Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 [quote name='thepurpleblob' post='501929' date='May 30 2009, 09:45 PM']To be blunt, if there's one thing you don't do that would be to f*** with someone's wedding plans. The bride will hound you to your grave I don't want to make a bad situation worse but two months is no time at all to book another band. Certainly round my way, the good wedding bands are booked years in advance. By trying to be helpful you've probably done a bad thing. [b]Pull out, grovel, learn valuable lesson![/b][/quote] Very wise words Garry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tinman Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hope your friend gets sorted out SP We're in Lincs but various work committments means the band isn't up for gigging atm. [quote name='liamcapleton' post='501725' date='May 30 2009, 04:03 PM']plus there is the added bonus of three people in the band being brothers, and myself being a cousin, so it's very much a family affair.[/quote] Are you the Kings of Leon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oscar South Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I play in a 4 piece (vox, vox/guitar, bass, drums/percussion) pop-covers wedding band that gigs often and charges reasonably, can't say at this exact moment whether we could do it or not but if you were in a pinch I could see what I could do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickeyboro Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 If you need to, give me a shout. We're pretty local and apart from 25th July are pretty free next month... It's the second band in my sig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Thanks for the responses, and thanks, Oscar, for the offer. [quote name='Mickeyboro' post='502928' date='Jun 1 2009, 01:41 PM']If you need to, give me a shout. We're pretty local and apart from 25th July are pretty free next month... It's the second band in my sig.[/quote] 25th July - that's the exact date of the wedding. Thanks for the offer though. Here's an update - as I said before, keyboardist has taken responsibility and has been in contact with the bride-to-be. I think he probably presented her with a palette of options, one of which would be for us to pull out entirely and help her find another band, another of which would be for us to go ahead but in an "acoustickier" way. She chose the latter, and keyboardist has asked me if I'd be up for that. Upon pondering, I said yes, with conditions. Reasons for saying yes: 1. He may be organisationally challenged, but he's still a damn good musician & vocalist. 2. We don't leave the bride in the situation of having to find (and find budget for) a "Proper Band" 3. I think we're capable of salvaging this, perhaps even making it better than before. Condition: 1. Pull our socks up 2. No more of this headlessness. We need one band leader who has the oversight, and doesn't let things get out of hand. 3. Keyboardist should be the aforementioned band leader. [quote]WHAAAAAAT?[/quote] ...I hear you cry. Hear me out though. Keyboardist is actually a bright guy. But his problem is that he suffers from "someone else is dealing with it -itis". So I've taken away the safety net. I've basically said to him "Keyboardist, nobody else is dealing with it. YOU are dealing with it. Do stuff, or delegate it to me, but don't make any assumptions about what I'm doing." [quote]But Stylon, you're clearly a very well-organised person, surely you are the ideal candidate for band leader?[/quote] True, but I'm feeling a little miffed with keyboardist right now, and so I need him to show that he can rescue this situation, to restore my faith in him. And then we'll hopefully have a good gig. S.P. Edited June 1, 2009 by Stylon Pilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 [url="http://basschat.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=7919&st=1510&p=552397&#entry552397"]Report[/url]. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sturm Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 tis excellent that it worked out, why is it though that it always seems to be the bass that suffers in the PA mix? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 (edited) Lesson to be learned.... always quote a fee...even if it is friends so you can cover yourself somewhat if you have to pull out... I accept that some might not want to charge if they are known to the booker but you can always give the money back as a gift or something This needed to go off really well not to be too much hassle and we all have duff gigs...but you don't want to screw the ones that can't be screwed.. I quit a profitable function band for that reason Glad it worked out even with a sigh of relief.. Edited July 27, 2009 by JTUK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 [quote name='JTUK' post='552462' date='Jul 27 2009, 11:22 AM']Lesson to be learned.... always quote a fee...even if it is friends so you can cover yourself somewhat if you have to pull out...[/quote] Not when you're doing it as a wedding present. To be honest, I don't think that pulling out was ever going to be a realistic option. I think that in the midst of my panicking 2 months ago, I neglected to consider one basic fact about the bride: that she'd prefer the band at her wedding to contain two of her oldest friends (both of whom are not untalented musicians), than to be a polished, professional function band with whom she has no history. It's just the kind of person that she is. The ceremony was beautiful, she looked fantastic, all this is true, but the meal was hog roast and strong cider, because impressing people isn't on her agenda. It's more of a fortuitous by-product. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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