Facing up to reality

[Count Bassy]

Where to start?

 

I am now 67. I am a fairly solid player with stuff I know, but in no way spectacular. I can leran stuff up to my limit, but I am not good, or confident, at jamming along to things (unless it's blues).

The last time I was in any band was pre-covid, and even then the last couple only lasted a few gigs before they collapsed in a heap. Some didn't even make it to gigging:

 

• Got fired from one because their previous bass player moved back into the area.
• One band had two gigs lined up but the drummer decided to take a holiday at the time of the second gig, causing the guitarist to quit in disgust.
• Another band the drummer/main singer wanted to be band leader (Ok) but literally stormed out of a rehearsal when the rest of us suggested some ideas.
• Yet another the guitarist was a Jazzer at heart and decided he needed to concentrate on that (fair enough, no hard feelings - still mates).
• More recently got involved with a metal band which I decided wasn't really for me, so resigned which caused  a domino effect of resignations (NOT because I had quit (I'm really not that good), simply that my quitting showed that it was possible).

 

Obviously I was a common factor here, but I genuinely don't think that I was cause of these break ups.

 

I have contacted a few people via bandmix etc. But I get the impression that a lot of the people just want to join an established band,  or even just like the idea of being in a band again rather than the reality, without having to put too much (or any) work in.

 

Anyway, one way or another I have not played bass in a band at a gig for over 5 years. My main outlet at the moment is a localish open mike (with Mrs Bassy on piano/saxophone), at which I have played bass, but even there I seem to be focusing on singing. 

 

So, to get back  to the thread title. I am starting to face up to the possibily/reality that I may never play bass in a band again. Which is sort of sad, but probably realistic.

( I do occasionally play melodeon and anglo concertina in a folk dance band).

 

Do I give up on the idea altogether and just stick to the occasional open mike?

If that is what I do then there is no way that this would justify my collection of basses, amps and cabs, PA stuff and various bits and pieces. So I really should be moving stuff on.

 

 

I don't quite what I expect by way of any response from you all, but I just needed to get it off my chest.

 

CB.

 

[neepheid]

9 minutes ago, Count Bassy said:

I have contacted a few people via bandmix etc. But I get the impression that a lot of the people just want to join an established band,  or even just like the idea of being in a band again rather than the reality, without having to put too much (or any) work in.

 

It's good to get it off your chest.  I don't have much to add, apart from the usual "don't give up, mate" type platitudes - if you're still fit to play gigs (and you still want to) then I hope you find an outlet for that.

 

The part I highlighted in your original post struck a chord with me.  We had to change singers at the end of last year and what a gaggle of muppets, morons, and wastes of space and time did we encounter in our search!  From no-shows at auditions, to people being all "I know all your songs" only to be found out at the audition, to folk with all the gear and no idea, to people who were overconfident to the point of either announcing that they were our new singer before we'd even said anything about it to them, to control freaks who could sing well enough but had a list of demands as long as your arm, trying to get folk to join the band before they'd even joined.  We had it all - it was MONTHS of hell during which time we entertained thoughts of jacking it all in.

 

TL:DR - I feel some of your pain, but stick in there, if we can find someone eventually in the wilds of NE Scotland, I'm sure you'll be fine in the end.

Edited October 27 by neepheid

[Steve Browning]

I think that if life has taught me anything, it's that things can turn in an instant. 

 

You may not see an opportunity now, but you really never know what's round the corner. 

 

Not very profound, but it has been my experience. 

[Lozz196]

Sometimes things come along when we least expect them, the main thing is be ready for them and be willing to both give them a try and to say no if not right.

[tauzero]

Keep plugging on. My most recent band but one came about through knowing someone at an open mic night, so that might help you.

[BassAdder60]

I’m in the same boat

 

I quit my last band as the excellent singer left and returned to the USA and at the time I was done with bands which I now regret. 
Even finding a new band in Suffolk seems near on impossible and there seems to be an abundance of bass players in the county looking for a band 

 

It’s like bands are going out of fashion and I fear I may never play live again and I’m 64 ! 
 

Im slowly downsizing my gear and will give it until I’m 65 and by then if no band then I will retire from live music and sell my remaining bits of gear 

 

The local live music scene is the worst of I ever known it and JMB is woefully inadequate as a platform to find a good band. Bandmix seems equally poor unless you pay !! 

[theplumber]

64 next year. Yes it's just a number but that means I have been in bands since I was 14. 50 years is a long time to do anything! Maybe I should be a lot better than I am! Gave notice to my current band about 3 months ago and doing the last gig with them this coming weekend. Great bunch of guys and have had a really positive 2 and a half years with them. But recently noticed that I was really bored playing gigs. I learned the set when I joined and over the last couple of years on a positive note the band has become super tight. The downside is there has been zero new songs added to the set. The singer and keys guy feel that there is no need to change the set. There was some sort of attempt to bring new ideas to the table at the start of the year but only if the keys guy approved them or indeed could actually play them...Fair enough! But as it seems no one in the band apart from me are doing anything towards getting gigs,only me and the drummer engage with facebook to promote gigs and a few other things which I won't moan about I thing it's a pretty bum deal not getting to suggest or work on songs to keep things fresh. We are out 3 to 4 times a month on average so it would have been nice to have some new stuff for the punters. I tried and got us some new venues,about 5 in total and more or less all of them turned out to be a bit of a waste of time. Playing to 4 folk at one point was a pretty low point. Most of our other gigs are well attended. Anyway I gave up and now I am on the lookout for something else. But it's pretty hard to find anything never mind anything decent! I will keep looking for the next few months at least but am starting to think about giving it all a miss! Sad to think about it but I have had a decent run over the years and who knows.....something else may turn up!

[Doctor J]

If you enjoy playing, don't give up playing. I haven't been in a band since 2016, don't really have any intention of doing so again, but have released five albums since that last gig and have another two almost ready to go. I enjoy playing, I just found other ways to turn my playing into something tangible, not just aimless noodling on the couch... not that there's anything wrong with that either, if you enjoy it. I'd never stop playing just because I wasn't gigging or in a band, it's really small part of the overall enjoyment of playing, IMO.

Edited October 27 by Doctor J

[miles'tone]

All I can offer is to frequent the open mics around your way. You'll always meet new people and new people bring new opportunities. 

Never say never 😉

[lurksalot]

10 minutes ago, miles'tone said:

All I can offer is to frequent the open mics around your way. You'll always meet new people and new people bring new opportunities. 

Never say never 😉

Kind of this, doing my job I meet lots of people all the time, I’m never shy of telling people what I do and what I’m offering and what my hobbies are,  sometimes it all aligns, sometimes it doesn’t , however, if you don’t tell people that you’ve got a skill on offer they won’t know.

 

[slystewart]

Ive  been in 4 long term bands  one for 20 years  and the last band for 13 years  I'm 71 now  , there comes a time playing in bands that you have a set list of songs  you know well , the bands doing well and everything looks good. I think this is the time to start looking over your shoulder and things start to decline. The  well do we need to practice lets give it a miss and the feeling that there work load in the band starts to drop off and you find yourself doing more  after 13 years in the last band  a 5 piece  i felt like i was pushing a car with 4 flat tyres so in the end left  that was June 2023 and had a few non start projects   nothing happened for over a year

I got together joined a 3 piece  rock covers and its good  the answer keep looking and do it as long as you can keep playing  look around at old band mates some like minded people like you something will come up  

[TimR]

Start your own band.

 

Write a set list. 

 

Set out what musicians you want and what level of commitment you want. How often you rehearse and gig. 

[snorkie635]

Best of luck with your search. You have talent and skills. Don't let them go to waste.

[BigRedX]

To the OP.

 

Some important questions the answers to which may influence the advice we have give:

 

1. Where are you? Are you in a big town or city, or out in the sticks?

2. Do you want to play covers or your own compositions?

3. What genre(s) of music would you like to play?

[stewblack]

Rewind to my life ten years ago and I had accepted that my gigging life was over. I hadn't been in a band for ages, had no contacts, failed to find anyone or anything I could join with. 

Time to accept that part of my life was over.

Life threw me a curve ball, everything turned upside down. Without boring you with the details I scored a dep gig. From that everything snowballed and now I gig between two and four times a week every week.

You simply never know.

[Moose]

I had my 75th birthday last June and I am still doing what I love. I have played all types of music during my life: pop, blues, country, folk, etc. About three years ago, I decided that I would like to try playing jazz. I wasn't sure if I would be up to the task but I answered an ad on the JoinMyBand website and three years later, I am still with them. We don't work very often but when we do, they are usually enjoyable gigs.

It would be great to work more often but at least we are working. Don't give up and remember Churchill's immortal words: "keep buggering on".

[BassAdder60]

21 minutes ago, stewblack said:

Rewind to my life ten years ago and I had accepted that my gigging life was over. I hadn't been in a band for ages, had no contacts, failed to find anyone or anything I could join with. 

Time to accept that part of my life was over.

Life threw me a curve ball, everything turned upside down. Without boring you with the details I scored a dep gig. From that everything snowballed and now I gig between two and four times a week every week.

You simply never know.

You’re not married then ! 
I couldn’t imagine my lady would put up with me gigging that much ! 

[stewblack]

1 minute ago, BassAdder60 said:

You’re not married then ! 
I couldn’t imagine my lady would put up with me gigging that much ! 

The curve ball to which I referred was in fact my wife handing me my dinner pail and sending me out into the world alone.

So your intuition serves you well. I am indeed no longer married. And much, much happier for it.

[Al Krow]

2 hours ago, TimR said:

Start your own band.

 

Write a set list. 

 

Set out what musicians you want and what level of commitment you want. How often you rehearse and gig. 

 

This is great advice! Although the OP did mention he got "the impression that a lot of the people just want to join an established band,  or even just like the idea of being in a band again rather than the reality, without having to put too much (or any) work in." Which I can totally understand and sympathise with. I'd recommend "Join my Band" as another good place to put an ad / look for opportunities, although @BassAdder60 didn't find it so good in his area.

 

I guess for me - I've often been far too guilty of letting my hopes and musical ambitions run ahead of my bass playing ability. A reality check can be tough to face up to as we all get older, but I feel leaves us wiser and better placed to make the most of our talents in the end.

But also...

 

1 hour ago, snorkie635 said:

Best of luck with your search. You have talent and skills. Don't let them go to waste.

 

100% !

 

Edited October 28 by Al Krow

[Gasman]

I handed in my notice to my current band back in May this year when our guitarist walked out due to a row over which PA to use. I scanned JMB and BAndmix diligently for a couple of weeks, realised that there was absolutely NO opportunities in my part of the world so withdrew my withdrawal just to keep playing and looking at the wanted lists until something better turned up.

 

And you know what? Since then there has still been sod-all on those sites within 40 miles of me, the band has recovered from the loss of the best gitrist I've ever had the privilege of playing with, and is making steady progress with new gigs and numbers.

 

What did I learn from this? If you're going to jump ship from a band but want to continue playing, find and join the new band first! (actually, the same approach is essential for any job-change; resign in haste, repent at leisure!)

[Beedster]

On 27/10/2024 at 17:25, Steve Browning said:

I think that if life has taught me anything, it's that things can turn in an instant. 

 

You may not see an opportunity now, but you really never know what's round the corner. 

 

Not very profound, but it has been my experience. 

 

Absolutely this 👍

[Angelus]

On 27/10/2024 at 19:54, theplumber said:

64 next year. Yes it's just a number but that means I have been in bands since I was 14. 50 years is a long time to do anything! Maybe I should be a lot better than I am! Gave notice to my current band about 3 months ago and doing the last gig with them this coming weekend. Great bunch of guys and have had a really positive 2 and a half years with them. But recently noticed that I was really bored playing gigs. I learned the set when I joined and over the last couple of years on a positive note the band has become super tight. The downside is there has been zero new songs added to the set. The singer and keys guy feel that there is no need to change the set. There was some sort of attempt to bring new ideas to the table at the start of the year but only if the keys guy approved them or indeed could actually play them...Fair enough! But as it seems no one in the band apart from me are doing anything towards getting gigs,only me and the drummer engage with facebook to promote gigs and a few other things which I won't moan about I thing it's a pretty bum deal not getting to suggest or work on songs to keep things fresh. We are out 3 to 4 times a month on average so it would have been nice to have some new stuff for the punters. I tried and got us some new venues,about 5 in total and more or less all of them turned out to be a bit of a waste of time. Playing to 4 folk at one point was a pretty low point. Most of our other gigs are well attended. Anyway I gave up and now I am on the lookout for something else. But it's pretty hard to find anything never mind anything decent! I will keep looking for the next few months at least but am starting to think about giving it all a miss! Sad to think about it but I have had a decent run over the years and who knows.....something else may turn up!

You’re only a few years ahead of me and 20 odd miles away, so I’d like to think there’s more out there for you. A friend is in his late 70’s and still gigging a couple of time a week with his band ( Nightfly ). 
 

To the OP, I had a 20 year hiatus and thought it was all over, but a simple chance meeting changed it. You never know what’s round the corner, so I wouldn’t rule anything out. 

[Count Bassy]

Thanks for all your thoughts folks. Perhaps I'll give it a bit longer before deciding or giving up.

[Dan Dare]

16 hours ago, Count Bassy said:

Thanks for all your thoughts folks. Perhaps I'll give it a bit longer before deciding or giving up.

 

Good man. There's no need to formally "give up". Just view it as taking a break from playing.

[Hurricane Jimmie]

So Anyway, in my 50 years of playing gigs, I've had two successful 'start-up' bands.  

In all my other bands, I was invited to join a working band.  The gigging cosmos has been very kind to me.  

 

I thought I was finished with band work when Covid hit.  But when things opened back up, the phone rang with the right opportunity.  I think that playing in a band is still part of an identity that I'm not ready to give up.  And it's little bit of fun, a little bit of money.  

 

Good Luck with your decision.