Fugly Pickguard Shapes

[Grahambythesea]

On 10/12/2024 at 14:44, meterman said:

I haven't got any decent pictures of it, but surely someone's going to post the original cut-down homemade bass that Bill Wyman made (Dallas-Arbiter with the frets pulled out?) in the early 60's that had a hilariously bad DIY pickguard.
 

Same goes for some of the early (late 50's / early 60's UK made basses. And some late 60's or early 70's plywood MIJ basses too. The pre-lawsuit "we're not really sure what we're doing but we're doing it anyway" ones. Teisco were repeat offenders. 
 

Italian company Meazzi also made some pretty wild looking basses, the Jupiter models in particular. I sort of admire their Italian bonkers-ness in a way.

Now those are really awful!

[Steve Browning]

Pretty much every Burns model.

 

[Twigman]

10 hours ago, MartinB said:

 

As someone who mostly plays Jazz necks, the word I would use is "chunky"

Thanks for that info.

My #1 bass is EBMM USA Sterling and of my 4 precisions, 3 of them have J necks....I suspect then I wouldn't get on with the Eastwood.

Saved me making an expensive mistake.

 

 

[Bolo]

This is turning into a "great scratchplates" thread. I love it!

[RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE]

2 hours ago, Bolo said:

This is turning into a "great scratchplates" thread. I love it!

This is one of my favourites 😬

Edited December 12 by RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE

[tauzero]

3 hours ago, Bolo said:

This is turning into a "great scratchplates" thread. I love it!

 

There is no such thing as a great scratchplate, only a marginally less offensive scratchplate.

[MichaelDean]

This one is bad. Hutchins Beachcomber. Nothing flows and the whole thing looks a bit lumpy. 

 

[Geek99]

5 hours ago, tauzero said:

 

There is no such thing as a great scratchplate, only a marginally less offensive scratchplate.

Unless it is tort, in which case it is innately magical and brilliant 

[TheRev]

On 10/12/2024 at 14:53, tauzero said:

 

I like the Variax one. My own Variax is sunburst with tort though. I've also got a Ray5 which is very like the second one. None of the other 30 or so have pickguards. Still, to add to the ugly pickguards:

 

 

and especially

 

 

 

10 years ago I'd have slammed me nadgers in a drawer rather than play a bass with a '51 style scratch plate, but now I quite like them. Especially when they're sexed up a bit like this: 

[MartinB]

2 hours ago, MichaelDean said:

This one is bad. Hutchins Beachcomber. Nothing flows and the whole thing looks a bit lumpy. 

 

 

Aside from the ugly tort, I think this one's pretty decent. It follows the outline of the body properly, unlike a lot of the disasters in this thread. Just needs a little tweak in the area next to the neck:

[Geek99]

@MartinB “ugly tort”? You have less taste than Donald trump. Tort is fabulous 👍

[MartinB]

Don't get me wrong - I like a nice tort. That one just isn't a nice tort 😆. It's dull, and too red to go with the blue paint. I'd want a much darker brown with more pattern  - but an off-white pickguard would be better still.

[Jean-Luc Pickguard]

Beyond the shape of the pickguard, when talking about tort pickguards it is unfair to lump it all together as there is a huge difference between beautiful tort and fugly tort.

 

Beautiful tort:

 

Fugly tort:

[rushbo]

15 minutes ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

 

I think there should be a "Fugly Thumbrests" thread...

 

[Geek99]

21 minutes ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

Beyond the shape of the pickguard, when talking about tort pickguards it is unfair to lump it all together as there is a huge difference between beautiful tort and fugly tort.

 

Beautiful tort:

 

Fugly tort:

Isn’t the top one “old tort” which contained horrendous chemicals and isn’t legal to make any more using those ingredients and methods? A somewhat unfair comparison I feel 

[Jean-Luc Pickguard]

29 minutes ago, Geek99 said:

Isn’t the top one “old tort” which contained horrendous chemicals and isn’t legal to make any more using those ingredients and methods? A somewhat unfair comparison I feel 

 

I apologise unreservedly to all aesthetically challenged tort pickguards for the unfair comparison.

[Geek99]

42 minutes ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

 

I apologise unreservedly to all aesthetically challenged tort pickguards for the unfair comparison.

I wasn’t questioning your taste, and I’d agree however its not easy to make tort that’s quite as nice these days was what was made years ago 

[Stub Mandrel]

2 hours ago, Geek99 said:

Isn’t the top one “old tort” which contained horrendous chemicals and isn’t legal to make any more using those ingredients and methods? A somewhat unfair comparison I feel 

 

Cheap ebay/amazon ones often look pretty vintage.

[Jean-Luc Pickguard]

24 minutes ago, Stub Mandrel said:

 

Cheap ebay/amazon ones often look pretty vintage.

I have one on my bitzer precision fretless that looks really good and was £10 delivered from China three or four years ago.

[Jay2U]

I don't like pickguards. However, I do tolerate them on P-Basses, as they accommodate pots and socket. But NO tort, please!

[tauzero]

3 hours ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

Beyond the shape of the pickguard, when talking about tort pickguards it is unfair to lump it all together as there is a huge difference between beautiful tort and fugly tort.

 

Beautiful tort:

 

Fugly tort:

 

You have that inverted. The first is hideous. The second is acceptable.

[Woodinblack]

2 hours ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

 

I apologise unreservedly to all aesthetically challenged tort pickguards for the unfair comparison.

 

By its nature there is no such thing as a non aesthetically challenged tort pickguard, so it is a fair comparison!

I assumed what you meant in your photos were 'ugly tort' and 'photocopy of an ugly tort'

 

 

[Reggaebass]

3 hours ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said:

Beyond the shape of the pickguard, when talking about tort pickguards it is unfair to lump it all together as there is a huge difference between beautiful tort and fugly tort.

 

Beautiful tort:

 

Fugly tort:

Definitely, the depth of the colour in the 60s and early 70s ones is amazing when you look up close , the bottom one looks dreadful 

[meterman]

3 hours ago, Geek99 said:

Isn’t the top one “old tort” which contained horrendous chemicals and isn’t legal to make any more using those ingredients and methods? A somewhat unfair comparison I feel 

Same thing with certain vintage drum kits that came in amazing coloured wrap. Often the old wraps were beautiful, but also highly flammable, and the modern day equivalents are really difficult to match the old vintage ones. Especially the oyster pearl finishes, or moirés, even some of the Ludwig Strata or Slingerland Onyx finishes are notoriously hard to replicate.

 

Decent vintage tort, however awful the chemicals involved were, can be spectacular when you find a good example on the right bass 👍

[Stub Mandrel]

The originals were celluloid. It is highly flammable (inflammable in the US) and shtinks over the decades.

 

There's plenty of nice modern tort out there.

 

Cheap modern eBay tobreplace broken 80s Japanese:

 

2019 Fender roadworn:

 

1980s Hohner, has since faded to an amazing volour but don't have a photo:

 

60s Fender

 

Fender repro of 60s, allowing for different light very close to the one above: