peety Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 As a band we have been together for 5 years playing approximately once a month because that is what has suited us due to work/other committments, we are a covers band that plays mainly functions and private parties. Anyway about 2 weeks ago our lead guitarist contacted us all about committing to playing more often say 30-40 gigs per year and actively sourcing more work,at the moment we rely on word of mouth and local contacts which has always suited us. Anyway we had a band meeting which went really well and everyone bought into the idea of more gigs, i had sourced and spoken to a couple of agents and had looked into the feasibilty of wedding fairs hence my post on here, at no time during the meeting did our guitarist mention in anyway that he was unhappy, we spent 3 hours going through rates, areas diary all ready to send to the agencies at the end of the meeting we had a quick discussion about material and that went ok no dissention. So full steam ahead methinks. Imagine my suprise when on sunday we get an e mail saying that he has decided to stand down and that for the last month he has been rehearsing with a blues band and has decided to put all his efforts into this. He then informed us that he had instigated the meeting to help decide his future and that our song suggestions would leave him embarrassed, just for info the new songs suggested were a full on beatles medley, blondie medley, a couple of U2 songs, stand by me, poker face and a couple more. What is even more pathetic is that he has done this by e mail and not had the bottle after 5 years to tell us to our faces and discuss his concerns. We have no gigs from now to december due to other committments however we have 3 works christmas parties and a birthday in december and he seems to think that giving us 2 months notice gives us time to find a new guitarist and bed him in, and thinks this should absolve him from his responsibility, we have told him he should honour all existing committments until we find a replacement which he has grudgingly agreed to do however has refused to rehearse with us till december. Is it unreasonable of us to expect him to honour these committments including rehearsal until we find a replacement, i quite understand if he feels he needs to take a new direction, but why waste all our time and not have the courtesy to be honest with us before the meeting. The annoying thing about him is he wants the gigs and the money as he is the one who wanted to increase prices but does not want to compromise on song selection or his percieved credibility. Anyway that's it oh and by the way anyone know a good lead guitarist in the North west . cheers steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheddatom Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='peety' post='624951' date='Oct 13 2009, 01:40 PM']Is it unreasonable of us to expect him to honour these committments including rehearsal until we find a replacement[/quote] It's not unreasonable, but I would personally be uncomfortable. He's obviously not the bloke you thought he was, why do you want to play with him again? Obviously it's not just for the money else you'd have more gigs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbloke Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 The idea of rehearsing once a month seems odd to me, especially if you want to sound polished. However, if everyone does their homework and goes through the material dilligently at home, it's certainly possible. Also, any decent guitarist should be able to nail that lot in a couple of weeks. However, you can't expect to rehearse to a sufficient standard if you're going to stick doggedly to your one rehearsal a month and, sorry to be blunt, but you're going to limit your appeal to potential new members in doing so. I would try and reach a compromise with your guitarist. If he screws up the gig, it'll make your band look terrible. However, it's a small world, so he would come out of the experience smelling of roses either. If he won't agree to rehearsing with you at least once before the gigs, I would concentrate on finding a replacement and accept that you'll have to rehearse more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burno70 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 It's a funny one innit. On one hand he's given 2 months notice which is decent (although via email is shoddy) but on the other hand you have gigs booked. Personally, if someone in the band wants out I'd rather they left sooner and plow on regardless rather than putting up with deadwood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peety Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='cheddatom' post='624955' date='Oct 13 2009, 01:46 PM']It's not unreasonable, but I would personally be uncomfortable. He's obviously not the bloke you thought he was, why do you want to play with him again? Obviously it's not just for the money else you'd have more gigs.[/quote] These are my thoughts exactly however we have comitted to these gigs and at the moment trying to find a suitable replacement would be difficult and the other band members would prefer to use him and feel as a matter of principle he should honour his committments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) [quote name='bassbloke' post='624962' date='Oct 13 2009, 01:54 PM']However, you can't expect to rehearse to a sufficient standard if you're going to stick doggedly to your one rehearsal a month and, sorry to be blunt, but you're going to limit your appeal to potential new members in doing so.[/quote] I interpreted the original post as meaning that they played gigs once a month, though I agree that it's vague. peety: please clarify. S.P. Edited October 13, 2009 by Stylon Pilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbloke Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='peety' post='624973' date='Oct 13 2009, 02:00 PM']These are my thoughts exactly however we have comitted to these gigs and at the moment trying to find a suitable replacement would be difficult and the other band members would prefer to use him and feel as a matter of [b]principle[/b] he should honour his committments.[/quote] He said he would honour them, he just refuses to rehearse until December. It's a tough one. He wants out and he has already emotionally detached himself from the band. He probably quit by e-mail because he's not a strong person and was scared you'd convince him otherwise. I've been in previous situations and depending on the circumstances I've either quit and walked away or offered to rehearse and play any gigs within the next few weeks. I personally think he's being OK. Plenty of musicians would have just left you in the sh*t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peety Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='bassbloke' post='624962' date='Oct 13 2009, 01:54 PM']The idea of rehearsing once a month seems odd to me, especially if you want to sound polished. However, if everyone does their homework and goes through the material dilligently at home, it's certainly possible. Also, any decent guitarist should be able to nail that lot in a couple of weeks. However, you can't expect to rehearse to a sufficient standard if you're going to stick doggedly to your one rehearsal a month and, sorry to be blunt, but you're going to limit your appeal to potential new members in doing so. I would try and reach a compromise with your guitarist. If he screws up the gig, it'll make your band look terrible. However, it's a small world, so he would come out of the experience smelling of roses either. If he won't agree to rehearsing with you at least once before the gigs, I would concentrate on finding a replacement and accept that you'll have to rehearse more.[/quote] Sorry i appear to have misled you we gig on average once a month not rehearse we tend to rehearse every other week and we have the core of a set that we have been playing for a long time and most rehearsal time is spent on new material. however i take your point but the whole idea of the meeting was to increase both gigs and rehearsals while you are right a new guitarist especially an experienced one would probably be familiar with a lot of the material we do, we have approx 50: songs the difficulty may be finding the right person so compromise looks like the way forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wateroftyne Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Two months is reasonable IMHO. As for the email.. some people just can't handle the whole face-to-face thing. He told you - doesn't really matter how. The circumastances are a bit crap, but he's made his mind up. You'll just have to crack on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peety Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='bassbloke' post='624978' date='Oct 13 2009, 02:06 PM']He said he would honour them, he just refuses to rehearse until December. It's a tough one. He wants out and he has already emotionally detached himself from the band. He probably quit by e-mail because he's not a strong person and was scared you'd convince him otherwise. I've been in previous situations and depending on the circumstances I've either quit and walked away or offered to rehearse and play any gigs within the next few weeks. I personally think he's being OK. Plenty of musicians would have just left you in the sh*t.[/quote] I really have no issue with him wanting to move on, i just find it strange that he drove the meeting about increasing gigs etc, He is no shrinking violet trust me, but he has upset a couple of other band memebers who he has long standing friendships with ( 30 years plus ) by not telling them. His major issue is material and whereas i feel he is unable to understand that a degree of compromise is required for a functions band we all play songs we don't like sometimes and maybe if he feels he can't do this anymore he is right to move on but i just wish he'd been honest with us because i think after 5 years we are entitled to that and we could get the 4 existing gigs out of the way and part amicably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowbee Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to commit to the gigs if you haven't found a replacement by that time. If I left a band I would do the same and have done in the past. It would be better than backing out of the gigs altogether which would potentially affect the credibility of the band. Guitarists aren't that hard to find though so if you start looking now, I'm sure you'll have one in place soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low End Bee Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I wouldn't advise playing with him anymore. We had a 'leaving' guitarist honour a last gig and it was pretty horrible. I spent the first half hour restraining myself from giving him a good precisioning. I love gigs but I didn't much enjoy that one. Any missed/fluffed note he makes will be like a cat scratching a blackboard to your ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerryc Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='Low End Bee' date='Oct 13 2009, 03:00 PM' post='625064'] I spent the first half hour restraining myself from giving him a good precisioning. Ha Ha I like that quote. Get a new guitarist ASAP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowbee Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 A good jazzing may be misinterpreted so congratulations on your choice of instrument that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peety Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='Low End Bee' post='625064' date='Oct 13 2009, 03:00 PM']I wouldn't advise playing with him anymore. We had a 'leaving' guitarist honour a last gig and it was pretty horrible. I spent the first half hour restraining myself from giving him a good precisioning. I love gigs but I didn't much enjoy that one. Any missed/fluffed note he makes will be like a cat scratching a blackboard to your ears.[/quote] Ha Ha i like that thought however i feel restraint maybe the best way forward , while i'm on the subject what are the best places to advertise in peoples expeience obviously we haven't been in this position before ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 In defence of the email, sometimes it is considered better to use this as opposed to when you are on rehearsal rates. I would hope it is followed by a call me or offer to remain mates. If he phones one of you the others are put out. It's never easy. My view is the initial chat was obviously that he was unhappy and he tried making a go of it. Yes it is sad and I wish you every success bouncing back but 5yrs is a pretty good run. People's priorities do change and at least you have a hard core unit of people who are similarly focussed. For the record I once did some gigs after the band had split and sometimes this is more effort then it's worth. It can be awkward and if the band is not your main source of income then this impacts on the fun factor - i.e. why we do this! Good luck finding a better replacement Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnylager Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='peety' post='625085' date='Oct 13 2009, 03:16 PM']while i'm on the subject what are the best places to advertise in peoples expeience obviously we haven't been in this position before ?[/quote] f*** him, move on & keep practising with the rest of the band so you're tight as when the new guy comes along - it will make it easier for him to integrate musically. You could try Bandmix, Forming Bands, Partysounds, et al. I found Bandmix the best & Forming Bands sh*te, but YMMV. And good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowbee Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I would also add Gumtree, Joinmyband and Musofinder. I like Partysounds a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbloke Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Gumtree is pretty good. Word of mouth is best though. I joined my current band after a personal reccomendation. Given the large number of songs and the nature of the band, maybe th ebest approach would be to list your full repertoire and then send that on to prospective guitarists and get them to tick off ones they do and pick three to audition. Set up an auditioning process with a strict 60 mins per guitarist, in which they have to arrive, set up, tune up and go through three songs. If they're really good, you give yourself enough time to run through maybe one or two before they pack up. You then get 5 mins to quickly discuss and make notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonny-lad Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 It always seems like a bit of a cop out when people send e-mails instead of saying something to your face or over the phone...but then that's what some people are like - they don't want the responsibility of dealing with their own situation in a mature and professional manner. However, I do think that 2 months is enough notice, but if he's agreed to honour the gigs he's booked for, a rehearsal before might be wise. If he doesn't want to rehearse at all, then if I were you, I'd take that as a sign of how little effort he wants to put in to the gigs and use it as an opportunity to find and rehearse someone new instead. It's always easier to attract new band members if you have gigs booked, so if you use that as a selling point, you could find a replacement and have them ready to cover the gigs instead of your old guitarist...Sounds like he wouldn't be too bothered if he lost the gigs you have booked anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Life's too short. OK so he’s not managed this in the best way, but get over the disappointment, stay mates and get him to play until you have a replacement. Contacts are important, keep it friendly and you could be playing in one of his bands in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peety Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Thanks for everyones input, i guess being philosophical these things happen it's just difficult when you don't see it coming, within bands i guess there are a range of musical tastes and if he doesn't enjoy what we are doing he is right to move on. As a band we play quite a diverse range of material from Led Zep to Dolly Parton but he is at heart a rock/blues fan and that is what he wants to play. maybe i'm just not from the e mail generation as i have seen too many cases of innocent comments being taken the wrong way that i would always prefer to do things face to face but that's just me i guess. i have no doubt he will give 100% for the gigs should we need him and i think we are all mature enough not to bear grudges and just get on with it, so let the search begin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 [quote name='peety' post='625135' date='Oct 13 2009, 04:00 PM']As a band we play quite a diverse range of material from Led Zep to Dolly Parton[/quote] Dolly Parton? She has her knockers but we quite like her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think that your guitarist has probably been looking for a way out for a long time, but has been doing his best to convince himself otherwise - that's why he was so active at your last band meeting. He was trying to rekindle his own desire to be in the band. But clearly there was nothing left to build on. That's the way it goes, sometimes. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witterth Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Life's too short. OK so he’s not managed this in the best way, but get over the disappointment, stay mates and get him to play until you have a replacement. Contacts are important, keep it friendly and you could be playing in one of his bands in the future. From Chris_b +1 on that sentiment Edited October 13, 2009 by witterth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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