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Should I leave my band?


Linus27
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Had similar frustrations in the past but not at the moment with my current band as everyone seems to working hard on "making it happen" ( twice in the last month the singer has got us 6 gigs in a day of ringing round/calling in pubs etc !! )


Needs to be a team effort or it's time to walk BUT before you do you need to tell them your frustrations as you just never know, it may just do the trick. A clear division of labour is required with very defined responsibilities for each person.

Still slightly puzzled though with the drummer without a kit situation :)

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An all-time favourite of mine ... first heard this in, oh, 1971-ish.

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1ZUU8xi7qY"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1ZUU8xi7qY[/url]

The lyrics fit, too:

[i][b]Taking my time, choosing my line, tryin' to decide what to do.
Looks like my stop, don't wanna get off, got myself hung up on you.
Seems to me you don't wanna talk about it,
Seems to me you just turn your pretty head and walk away[/b].[/i]

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It sounds like your a leader type within the band - which is fine, every band needs people who go above and beyond to carry the weight of the less motivated. But there is a difference between people who aren't as motivated and people who are unmotivated.

If fun turns into frustration its probably time to call it a day - it's just not worth it mate. Why should you stress when no one else acts like they gives a toss?

If you are still reluctant to dis-band why don't you take your foot of the gas a bit and see if anyone else comes to the fore - and in the meantime try to get something else going - your obviously a proactive person - get your adverts up on website and in music shops and leave these wasters when the opportunity presents itself?

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[quote name='burno70' post='627038' date='Oct 15 2009, 04:07 PM']If you are still reluctant to dis-band why don't you take your foot of the gas a bit and see if anyone else comes to the fore - and in the meantime try to get something else going - your obviously a proactive person - get your adverts up on website and in music shops and leave these wasters when the opportunity presents itself?[/quote]

I agree with this. Foot off the gas. Join another band. Do what comes naturally.

S.P.

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Don't know you from Adam mate, but are you a natural leader ?

Sounds like they functioned as a unit before you, and you say the singer [b]used[/b] to book all the rehearsals before you came along and they already had myspace and facebook.

Maybe you've just taken it all on board gradually without noticing till recently and they've let you. Seen it many times.

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[quote name='Les' post='627045' date='Oct 15 2009, 04:13 PM']Don't know you from Adam mate, but are you a natural leader ?

Sounds like they functioned as a unit before you, and you say the singer [b]used[/b] to book all the rehearsals before you came along and they already had myspace and facebook.

Maybe you've just taken it all on board gradually without noticing till recently and they've let you. Seen it many times.[/quote]

I would not say a natural leader, more of a support type person. I am very motivated in things I believe in. If something needs to be done then lets do it with 100% and do it properly. The band do keep saying I am very driven.

They sort of funtioned before but not really. They had a facebook page but it had not been updated for maybe 6 to 10 months so to me, this was the first thing that needed to be updated. I suggested it to the the band and they agreed and said they would do it. After about two months of nothing happening, I said, look, this needs to be done, do you want me to do it so they said ok. Same with Myspace, not updated for months, emails from promotors not replied to etc. Again, waited about two months and nothing happened and so I offered and updated it. With regards to practises, when I first joined they booked up 3 months of practises. Got to July and I said, can we do the same again, book the next six months up and we all agreed but nothing happened. So a few weeks passed and I asked again and nothing. A few weeks ago, a list finally came out of suggested dates which we replied to to say yes or no we can do but still, nothing booked up. Even this Sunday we are supposed to be practising yet its not been booked despite a few emails regarding this Sundays practise.

They had done a handful of gigs before I came along but despite agreeing to do a load more, the guitarist has booked 1 and I have booked all the others. The singer has sent a few emails saying we have been offered to play at various venues but then never chases it up or gets us booked in and so it just falls by the wayside.

I think your right that because they are doing nothing, I have just ended up taking everything onboard. However, I did call a meeting in July and delegate things to each member of the band. Guess what, still waiting on the Singer and Percusionist to do some of there things.

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[quote name='Linus27' post='627067' date='Oct 15 2009, 04:34 PM']I would not say a natural leader, more of a support type person. I am very motivated in things I believe in. If something needs to be done then lets do it with 100% and do it properly. The band do keep saying I am very driven.

They sort of funtioned before but not really. They had a facebook page but it had not been updated for maybe 6 to 10 months so to me, this was the first thing that needed to be updated. I suggested it to the the band and they agreed and said they would do it. After about two months of nothing happening, I said, look, this needs to be done, do you want me to do it so they said ok. Same with Myspace, not updated for months, emails from promotors not replied to etc. Again, waited about two months and nothing happened and so I offered and updated it. With regards to practises, when I first joined they booked up 3 months of practises. Got to July and I said, can we do the same again, book the next six months up and we all agreed but nothing happened. So a few weeks passed and I asked again and nothing. A few weeks ago, a list finally came out of suggested dates which we replied to to say yes or no we can do but still, nothing booked up. Even this Sunday we are supposed to be practising yet its not been booked despite a few emails regarding this Sundays practise.

They had done a handful of gigs before I came along but despite agreeing to do a load more, the guitarist has booked 1 and I have booked all the others. The singer has sent a few emails saying we have been offered to play at various venues but then never chases it up or gets us booked in and so it just falls by the wayside.

I think your right that because they are doing nothing, I have just ended up taking everything onboard. However, I did call a meeting in July and delegate things to each member of the band. Guess what, still waiting on the Singer and Percusionist to do some of there things.[/quote]

Ok Here's the plan...
Take the singer out for a curry. Explain how you feel and how it looks and say that if he/she coud sort out their part of it things could be a lot better.
It sounds like the singer may have been the defacto "manager" before you came along so he or she may have enough left to pull it back from the brink ..

However if the singer still leaves it all to you start taking a management fee .. charge, say £5 per email, Minimum pay for every hour spend doing theMyspace and Facebook, all phone calls, etc ... plus 99% of any gig fee from gigs yo get.,. That should cover it ....

:)

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Guest johnzgerman

how does the drummer practice at home when he does not have a drum kit, jam jars and teaspoons? or does he only practice at band practice? sounds to me like you need a new drummer at the very least and possibly a whole new band. best of luck with that mate.

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I can see why your frustrated. But maybe that's the price you have to pay to be in a band that you obviously think has merit.

As for not making it cos' of their lacksadasical ways, well I'm sure you wouldn't be the first band member to drag such an outfit by the scruff of the neck to success.

Apart from the drummer only having "air drums", I'm sure mine wasn't the only raised eyebrow reading that,the rest of it doesn't seem insurmountable.

I know your pissed with them but the 12 things you listed for the year do seem quite achievable even if you have to do them yourself.

I've played with loads of good people who you couldn't really rely on to sit the correct way on the toilet,let alone book a rehearsal studio, but on stage all was forgiven. Worlds full of them.

Good luck, but don't be hasty.

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[quote name='Stingray5' post='627002' date='Oct 15 2009, 03:24 PM']Maybe you should put your original post into an email to the rest of your band as you have outlined your anger and frustration quite clearly.
If after reading that, they still don't get the message, then leave them to it.[/quote]
Good call. If you still think the band can be saved, then next time you get an email saying 'is everything ok', 'we would be heartbroken if you left', 'great playing at the last gig' etc etc., reply with "Actually no, I'm bloody not ok and this is why..." and then tell them exactly what you've just told us.
Alternatively if you think it's a dead loss, leave now and join/start something else.
IMHO, if that band was a horse...*BANG*

[quote]Best of luck for whatever you do.[/quote]
Yup, that too. :)

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No dont mull it over - bin them - now!

They are NOT going to change, they havent enough motivation to wipe their own backsides, and something will always get between the band stuff and them.

I feel for you, I have been there. Do yourself an enormous favour and start your own band, its really easy for a guy like you.

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It's always difficult to walk away from a band, but it might be the only sensible option. Having met you and, from your posts, knowing your sense of comittment any band would be bloody lucky to have you. Very best of luck for the future.

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Thanks guys, some very kind words coming from you. The other frustrating thing is, not only have I managed to switch to finger style after 20 or so years of playing with a pick, my bass playing now is better than it has ever been and I just hope I can do the same in a new band.

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[quote name='Linus27' post='627147' date='Oct 15 2009, 05:42 PM']Thanks guys, some very kind words coming from you. The other frustrating thing is, not only have I managed to switch to finger style after 20 or so years of playing with a pick, my bass playing now is better than it has ever been and I just hope I can do the same in a new band.[/quote]


Aside:::
Was it playing the Stagg that did that? It was with me :)
/Aside:::

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[quote name='OldGit' post='627153' date='Oct 15 2009, 05:47 PM']Aside:::
Was it playing the Stagg that did that? It was with me :)
/Aside:::[/quote]

No, it was something I always wanted to do but never had the band to do it in. The Stagg will help though when I get the chance to play it but I want to focus more on fretless for I do that.

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[quote name='Linus27' post='626933' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:09 PM'].. I joined the band in March 09. They wanted somebody committed and who could dedicate time to the band as they wanted to move forward. Also, because I had been signed previously, I knew some of the things that needed to be done to move forward and they wanted to use my experience to do this. ...[/quote]

Is this code for "We can't be bothered to do the hard work and want someone else with connections to do it all for us."?

They are just another band who think that fame comes in an overnight success package.

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[quote name='TimR' post='627189' date='Oct 15 2009, 06:20 PM']Is this code for "We can't be bothered to do the hard work and want someone else with connections to do it all for us."?

They are just another band who think that fame comes in an overnight success package.[/quote]

HEHE well put, thats exactly what I have been feeling. To me, I am getting the impression, especially from the singer that he thinks the only work you have to do is make the songs good. In reality, that is a very small. The business side of the band, the networking, the communication, the admin, the planning etc is far more important yet they do not get this.

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[quote name='Linus27' post='627197' date='Oct 15 2009, 06:27 PM']HEHE well put, thats exactly what I have been feeling. To me, I am getting the impression, especially from the singer that he thinks the only work you have to do is make the songs good. In reality, that is a very small. The business side of the band, the networking, the communication, the admin, the planning etc is far more important yet they do not get this.[/quote]

Meet with them. Tell them that it's now 3 months into your 6 month plan. Write down what you have achieved and what you should have achieved. Work out a plan to get you back on target by the end of November, meet again then. If things haven't improved tell them you can't do anymore for them and will leave when the six months is up if you're not all rich and famous. Take a back seat while looking for a new band and then leave.

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