Really can't be arsed

[Linus27]

My past has been quite good from a bass playing point of view. Been in bands from around the age of 17 and done hundreds of gigs. One band was fortunate enough to get a record deal and have a fair bit of success. Gave it all up about 10 years ago but got back into it again a few years later. Managed to get into quite a good band musically but left them after 6 months as they were a waste of time. I've now been looking for a new band and do have a couple of really good projects in the pipeline. I also dep for a U2 tribute band when the full time bassist can't make gigs.

However, I'm getting to the point where I really can't be arsed with it all. I'm 40 in 2 months, I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful kids aged 7 and 17 months and I just feel that its getting harder and harder to find time and energy to fit a band in. My day job is not that hard but at the end of the day I am knackered and struggle to find the energy to do anything when I get home. Plus, one of my children is from a previous relationship so I only see him every other weekend and Wednesday's. There runs the risk of if away gigging, rehearsing etc, then I have to either arrange to not see him, see him on a different day or rely on my wife to have him. My wife is super supportive and thinks I should still get in a band and is more than happy to help with the kids etc but I still kind of feel I can't be bothered with it all and not really fair on my son. There is a chance to meet a singer/songwriter who is after a bassist tomorrow night up in London. I really can't be arsed to trundle into London from Surrey tomorrow night. Even if my wife tags along, we would then have to sort a babysitter which again is just another hassle. It does not help that I don't enjoy playing covers (U2 band is to help friends out), probably because all I have ever done is play originals and so quite fussy over how good the original material is.

I do enjoy just playing along to stuff at home but its a real waste of some great basses and probably a waste for me. I would love to be out playing but I am just finding it harder and harder to find the motivation, energy, commitment and time to do it these days. Anyone else going through this or been through this?

Edited April 6, 2010 by Linus27

[RhysP]

Yes.
Totally.

[thisnameistaken]

I'm a bit like you - I think I'd rather retire than spend my middle age doing cover bands.

I'd no doubt still keep basses around though, just because I like to pick them up and noodle on them. But yeah I don't have kids and I'm not married so I'm not struggling to find time for doing a band. I can understand it's probably a bit of a toil in your situation.

[wateroftyne]

Nah... I've never hoyed the towel in, and never will, despite hurtling toward 40 with a family & 'proper' job in tow.

I just enjoy it too much.

I daresay if I didn't enjoy it, things would be different.

[JTUK]

yep.. take the time off and get back into it, if and when you feel like it.

You don't rely on it for money so you don't have any reason to put yourself through something that isn't working for you.
I took time out and came back stronger than ever and fully refreshed.
I am getting back onto the circuit now and meeting others that have done the same and taken time out.

If you feel this way, just pack the bass away and don't feel guilty. Don't sell it yet though....

Now I am back, I practise more than I have for ages, bought 2 basses and am revamping all my amps/cabs... my playing has improved as well.

You don't loose much in the time-out..just a bit of panache, and precision and such like..you'll get that back soon enough.

[Marvin]

I can't even get in a band around my way. Everyone cleared off years ago.

Also time, I've got 3 young children and my job knackers me out. Struggle to fit anything in. I was going to sit down tonight and noodle but didn't get around to it, just couldn't be bothered.

[Old Horse Murphy]

If it helps Michael, I'm more than happy to look after your basses

[Clarky]

I'm 46, three teen-ish kids (17, 14, 12), demanding job with long hours (7am-6/7pm), but I'm the opposite - being in a band keeps me sane, faced with all of the aforementioned! I do find the weekday rehearsals (one every 2 weeks) a bit knackering some times (as I don't get home til late) and I really hate hanging around for hours before going onstage.

But a good gig really lifts me, especially when we get good audience feedback. And I am a total bass nerd with 4 basses in my bedroom (3 on a Warwick rack and one leaning against the wall) for noodling in bed while the long-suffering Mrs Clarky reads/falls asleep

Thinking about it, though, I was a late starter - didn't join my first post-teen band til I was 42. So I guess its all a bit fresher for me, compared with yourself Michael.

Edited April 6, 2010 by Clarky

[silverfoxnik]

Same thing happend to me when I was 34; I stopped playing for almost 11 years! My life had changed and i no longer had the time, energy or interest for playing bass at that point..

But then, just by chance, something happened that got me back into playing 4 years ago and now I wouldn't be without it for anything!

In fact, I think the break was absolutely vital to recharge my batteries after having played constantly in bands since i was 14..

IMHO, this is a perfectly natural thing to be going through and whatever happens, i wish you well with it.. Whatever happens, you'll always be a bass player!!

[Talon]

I'm hutling toward 50....gave up for 15 years and started again about 3 years ago. I'm loving every minute of it now

[Mog]

A couple of years back I had to stop playing due to a work related injury that left my arms and hands pretty weak.I was sure I wouldn't be on stage again. Over time I slowly retrained my hands and got back to a fairly standard level.The music scene over here can be a little bit bitchy at times so I thought it best to keep my head down and avoid the target practice from the next generation of bassists in my town. Then in November '08 a mate asked me to fill in for one gig and I said "sure but I'll only do one gig and I'm out." Started practicing with the band and it immediately clicked. No pressure, just a jam type atmosphere. 14 odd months later and I'm still there. I still cramp up after 10 or 15 minutes and regularly switch between picks and fingers if the pain is really severe but the only other option is not to play. I'd say find some guys that you enjoy playing with and just go with whatever happens.It worked for me and I haven't looked back. Covers or originals, it doesnt make a bit of difference, as long as you can come home after a jam or gig with a smile on your face. No point in giving it up because I can guarantee you that at some stage later on you'll regret it.

[51m0n]

Yup.

2 kids (15 and 5). day job, packed it all in at 30 something started again a few yeas later, 40 in May, knackered every day and cant get into a band properly for love nor money, the singer from blues band that got me going again has just told the drummer that he cant do my birthday bash (we were going to do a half huor set for the crack) wont fess up to me though (what a ***t!).

Sometimes I wonder why I bother at all to be honest.

[Balcro]

I'm with JTUK on this.

You've hit that dip around 40. Don't knock yourself out. That knackered feeling is one of the symptoms of you trying to fit in too much.
If you don't enjoy the U2 covers, drop it. You've got family commitments, especially for your son. That perfectionist streak is not going to get any easier to deal with either.

Drop in here from time to time and give us the benefit of your experience.

Balcro.

Edited April 6, 2010 by Balcro

[JTUK]

I'd call it burn-out.... and was out for about 18 months.
Didn't touch the bass at all.....

Looking back, best thing I did and don't regret at all...
Sure, I lost some calls but now I am so much keener and not at all jaded.

Do it, take the time out. Something will tell you it is time to pick it up again...

[Delberthot]

I could tell you all about myself, what bands I;ve been in etc but I won;t.


Why not take a break, give your gear a good clean and pack it away for a bit and see how you feel. If you throw in the towel and sell your gear you may regret it in a few months if you begin to feel the urge to play again.

Ok, I lied, I will talk about myself:

I began playing bass at age 12. practiced every every minute of every day that I had free. About 8 years ago I suddenly found myself in the position where I never pick up my bass between gigs unless it is to learn a specific song. That's still the case today but I still feel the same buzz when playing. If I didn;t enjoy it then I wouldn;t do it.

I;m the opposite to you in that I;ve always played in covers bands and always enjoyed putting my signature on every song I play unless it already has what I would consider to be the perfect bassline.

I'm rambling now. The bottom line is - do what you feel is right for you and don;t have any regrets about it. You could always dust off the bass in a few weeks/months/years if you feel the urge to play again. No one is going to judge you because you want to jack it in for a bit and really, who cares what other people think as long as you are happy that you are making the right decision? If it feels right to you then it is right.

[purpleblob]

[quote name='Linus27' post='798117' date='Apr 6 2010, 10:05 PM']Anyone else going through this or been through this?[/quote]

Oh yes, I go through it nearly every single day

[Jase]

If you never played another note in your life again, the one thing you have is family
Being a musician is and always will be a struggle as you well know mate.

FWIW, I just sold all my gear, just about to leave my covers band and just left my original band, I kept my Fretless, a lead, a tuner and bought recording gear with the money I got back from the gear sold on. Very liberating! I'm 41

[Jerry_B]

I'm 40 and have no wife or kids, and have problems even getting a band together - so the grass isn't always greener

[3V17C]

i'm 40, and like yourself fought against doing the covers band thing for years, but unfortunately the older you get the chances of doing something original get smaller. So last couple of years I've been doing the pub covers circuit and while its kinda ok I don't enjoy it as much as doing originals... kinda feels like 'well.. is this it?'

Lets be honest, who amongst us first picked up their instrument with the lofty ambition of joining a pub covers band!? Probably not many!

Having said that, a chance look at the Musicians Wanted section on Gumtree the other week has led me to hook up with a freshly formed originals band with a couple of musos my own age. The singer/guitarist has quite a good reputation (and a manager!) and despite only one rehearsal so far we've already got a a handful of decent support gigs up and down the country which I'm quite looking forward to.. so i guess.. never say never! Alternatively, as jase says... home recording could be the way forward... something else i'm trying to get into also.


peace

c

[budget bassist]

You sound like you could do with a break. As some people have said, maybe pack up your gear and put it in the loft for a bit and see what happens. If you don't touch if for a couple of months, maybe even a few years, that doesn't matter. You have your family, just do what makes you happy.

[Stinkfoot]

Just take a break from it all for a while, You gotta be happy first or it just feels like pressure,

once a Bassist always a Bassist

[Musicman20]

Good luck with your choice, but don't leave us! I enjoy your posts and avatars!

I say don't make too much effort until you find something that's really for you.

At the moment I'm ready to get seriously annoyed with trying to get into my law career, but I won't give up...

Give it some time and a break. Once a bassist always a bassist.

[witterth]

Eh up Linus!!!
Ive got 5 years on you and recently picked up a gig with a covers band, but I really know what you mean......the cant be arsedness........
I have found, however, there is a certain amount of a warm glow driving home at "daft o'clock" on fri/sat Am (gig gone well or otherwise) and I know you most likley know what I mean, there..... been...there..done it e.c.t
I'd say, Stick with it for now.....youll proably regret it if you dont.
the "fleas" was a big loss cos all in all,cos they were a damn fine turn, but at the end of it you're a damn fine player yourself! and you dont need passengers!!
hope you dont get too cynical about the whole thing.......find a covers band and have a laugh!!! loads about (with that nice 'ray in tow)
ATB
Witterth
Adam Clayton?
an arse
deppiing for him?youre too good for that!!

[niceguyhomer]

I'm totally knackered all the time - I've just done 7 gigs in 10 days Sometimes I feel like packing up but then I think of what all the other 55 year olds are doing on Saturday night and it reminds me that I'm not ready to join the pipe and slippers mob.

Keep going mate - something will come along to inspire you.

[Johngh]

I've been like this before and actually sold all my gear once only to start up again. The worst thing you can do is sell your stuff, DON'T DO IT !!!

Just take a break for a while. The worst thing for me is dealing with the never ending stream of idiots in trying to get a decent band together. It's soul destroying.

At the moment though I've dropped on two bands that are really good, but it's took agaes to get to this point.